Chelsea cook the books, Who’s your caddy?, WWJD?, and more!
As an American I can confidently say…
I know a thing or two about how to cook the books. It’s basically a genetic condition that came with our Pilgrim Heritage, but all Americans know how to hide debts, fake income, and pretend that things are all right when in reality you’re losing millions of dollars a month in income.
So you’ll pardon me when I see a story about how Chelsea claim that they are “virtually debt free” yet posted an annual loss of £45 MILLION and say “pfff, rank amateurs.”
They didn’t wipe out the debt, they securitized it. Remember that word? “Securitized?” Does that word ring a bell, like an alarm bell? It should, because now instead of IOU’s that say “I owe Roman Abramovich £500m” he has stock that says “Roman Abramovich paid £500m for this stock.” See the difference?
But when you cook the books, the last thing you want to do is do it so publicly. Typically, what you do is get some big accounting firm to make it look like the “security” you just “created” is actually “worth something” and isn’t just a piece of paper with IOU scratched out and COMMON STOCK penciled in.
At least that’s how we’d do it over here. Now, pardon me, I have to securitize the debt on my house. Anyone want to get in on the IPO?
Notlob in free fall, Megson gets the axe
Bolton are a despicable pack of Hunts. That’s mostly down to the fact that a sum total of two of their players have the talent to make a top side and their manager was completely out of ideas.
Gary Megson made this team and, well, this is pretty much what I expected to happen to someone who’s entire playbook includes two plays: kick and lump.
Personally, I’m pulling for Gareth Southgate to get the job. He’s a proper manager, as evidenced by the fact that since his foolish firing Middlesbrough have gone from one point off the top of the table, to “never going up, ever again.”
Who’s Your Caddy?
Arsenal manager Wenger admits Bellamy attraction — Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
As I said in yesterday’s comments I rate Bellamy highly as a player and lowly as a human being. Wenger demands high ratings in both categories so while he might flirt with the idea of a Bellamy, I’d be shocked if he brought such a disruptive influence into his creche of young players.
Maybe Wenger needs a caddy?
WWJD: What Would Joey Do?
Have you been wondering what ever happened to Joey Barton? Well, wonder no more! Joey, who makes £65,000/wk, has been out injured for a few months and has spent that time contemplating the proper life for a footballer. Now that he’s a better person than the rest of us, he has some life lessons that he’d like to pass on to fellow footballers:
A lot of them are so detached from reality it’s untrue and there was a stage when I was like that. It’s only the fact I’m grounded by the trouble I’ve been in (my emphasis – Tim) that’s forced me away from being in the football world. Driving round in flash cars and changing them like you change your socks, wearing stupid diamond watches and spending money like it’s going out of fashion in the middle of a recession when some people are struggling to put food on the table for the kids – it’s not the way to do it.
See, kids? Joey Barton doesn’t do all those bad things like buying cars and stuff, because Joey Barton learned his lesson by getting into fights at every opportunity. So, learn from Joey and stub a cigar out in your teammate’s eye at the company Christmas party while yelling “MERRY CHRISTMAS!”
It’s up for grabs now podcast
Seriously, if you’re not already listening to the It’s Up For Grabs Now podcast, then there’s no hope for you. You might as well go support Crystal Palace.
Right…
Follow me on Twitter during the game today, if you’re in to that!
Comments
Walcott’s hurt…again….
Maybe it is time to sell him to a mid-table club.
Wow, that hurts to say.
@Matt,
I don’t think he’s worth much until he starts playing consistently. That said, he looks a bit like a one-trick pony. Sell him to Madrid for 30 mil and never spend the money? I think this is the last year for the youth project (in its current form, we won’t sell Song just to prove a point), so we might as well wait it out.
It would be interesting to see how much he could help a team like Burnley though.
@Matt,
Where did you see he was hurt again?
I’m not sure why so many folks keep jumping on Walcott’s back, he’s still a young lad and developing, look how long it took Van Persie to come good, or how patient we had to be with Song and (fingers crossed) Diaby.
Walcott shows a lot of potential and he’s had a torrid time with injuries, a little patience isn’t too much to ask.
@Shobo, Agreed Shobo. We have to remember that it takes at least a season, or sometimes a season and a half of regular playing time before a player really hits his potential and starts to thrive. Not every player is like Cesc, and just waltz’ into the team looking brilliant while still a young lad.
It’s up for grabs now is absolutely hilarious. they have Alan Davies on the 606 podcast, and he seems like genuinely good people.
They talk about going to the games, all of the games, and they usually just talk shit about the people siting near them. It’s brilliant.
I have also started listening to 5 live football daily, world football daily (though it’s not free anymore) the ESPN soccernet pod (class. really class) the guardian podcast, the arsecast, and now it’s up for grabs. Podcasting has enabled me to become a much more rabid Gooner, but also much better informed about the Serie A, the Bundesliga, and Ligue 1. I don’t have FSC or Setanta, so I can only get my fix from the internet and pods are a great way of doing so. I highly recommend the Guardian and Soccernet pods. Those guys are hilarious.
Barton is a huuuuge cunt, but Tony Adams is mentoring him, and addiction does turn people into animals. Hopefully he’s turned the corner.
I’d like to see Nasri play instead of Walcott today, but I don’t see it happening. Now for a three hour drive to the middle of nowhere, Michigan. Up the Arse!
I hope you’re joking about Walcott.
It’s a bit premature to call for him to be sold, he’s only 20 and we’ve got plenty of attacking mid/strikers so we can bring him along slow.
That said, it’s very worrying. Maybe he could become a sprinter instead?
@Tim,
Yeah, I am. People look at Walcott and see Pennant, and they’re just not the same. Walcott is a good person. It’s going to take a couple years for him to develop into a true striker (which I think he is, not a winger) but he’s learning from the greatest manager in the world on a team of extremely technically competent players.
He’s 2-3 years away from being fairly judged. His assist on the weekend should be proof enough that he’s a real footballer.
The entire team gets injured, so it’s unfair to call him injury-prone. We need a Milan lab, soon.
@Tim, Not kidding.
You said it yourself: we have a metric ton of attacking mids and strikers with pace. Why spend time on one that is A)constantly hurt and B)lacking any real sense of finishing. (I freely admit A might be the root cause of B).
Are we all over-valuing him because he is, ahem, English?
I love Theo as much as the next guy, he absolutely terrorizes teams on the right, when healthy. But he is always hurt, we have a surplus at his position, and Dooley is right, he is a bit of a one trick pony.
Yes, he is only 20, and yeah I am probably being too hard on him, but even at his best, he is an impact player, a 65th minute sub…that’s all he has proven to me so far.
Finally, we might be overvaluing him because he is English, but other EPL teams will DEFINITELY overvalue him because he is English, which makes him a real money making machine in the transfer market.
Plus, Tim, you bought his kit: he is bound to leave sooner or later.
Anyone know why Walcott is not included?
@haho, Can’t confirm, Matt said he’s injured.
@Tim,
http://twitter.com/johncrossmirror/status/7203517307
@Tim, Rib injury.
Try understand some thing before you write some rubbis. What the Chelsea shareholder(s) done is convert their equity and make CFC stroger. What our gooner shareholder and gooner manager has done is load the AFC with debt and not find investors to releive the debt. ( Investors mean sharing ownership. diluting ownership of the club)… hence well done Chelsea ..they have less debt that AFC and have won cups in the last few years to focus on a objective and target of their fans… While AFC have only served the intrest of it’s shareholders
@ads, If English is not your native tongue then you can be excused for not using a spell check.
If you are a Chelsea supporter (and it appears that you are) then you have my condolences. I won’t pretend to know much about high finance since those who made millions in bonuses off their knowledge were proven ignorant as well. Tell me this, what is the value of Chelsea’s securitized debt, oops, stock. How much revenue can Chelsea generate going forward to make their stock valuable on the open market should Chelsea (Abramovitz) decide to sell his shares to raise capital for reinvestment for example. That is the problem w/ securitized debt (disguised as “stock”, credit default swaps, etc.) my friend, the value is in the eye of the holder not the open market. So Abramovitz just did a smoke and mirrors act that would make Bernie Madoff snicker w/ derision at puny it is.
@ads, You really have no clue what you’re talking about.
@Tim,
I’ve been reading Simon Kuper’s exceedingly brilliant “Soccernomics” and he argues that it is almost impossible for a team to win and be profitable. Wenger is a genius. Chelsea are hedging against Platini’s eventual campaign against teams spending beyond their means. It’s pretty transparent though.
Chelsea supporters should just enjoy their day in the sun. No sense it trying to dress up the situation. They have an aging squad of overpaid internationals. One day Roman will pack up and leave, probably being forced to eat a huge loss. I don’t see any new stadium in their future. Chelsea are NOT a big football club. They’re a big payroll. They’ve had their success but they are an absolute financial disaster.
@ads, Lol. Arsenal make a consistent profit, and have a healthy cash flow, a CFO’s dream. We also have a well balanced capital structure.
Chelsea… Have none of the above. Thus my good man, you have no idea what you are talking about.
Roman did not get a loan to put money like you did for your house. Stupid man, all he did is use his own money, if you like his savings/or spare/free cash…. Now is you used your savings, assuming you have enough to cover the purchase price of your home, your house is debt free,y and you wont have a mortgage,…. x stupid man…just like most arsenal fans … take for a ride by the Aresenal board and Arseane weanger.
We are more financially stable than you are Chelski boy. You have sold your clubs future to the russian devil. Tell me 44,000 seats and the salary you pay your players with almost zero talent in you youth program. Where will you get your cash to balance the book? 210 mil spent in the Mourinho era against 210 mil spent by Arsene in a span of 10 years and a world class staduim in tow. You definitely are not a money man.
You really have no clue what you’re talking about.
All right, I am stuck at the office, so Internet black out is on. Enjoy the game, mates.
I will be back later to take the heat for my Theo opinion.
I’m cautiously optimistic about today’s game. I can’t find confirmation of the Walcott injury news. We’ll know shortly when the line up comes out. Walcott is not in the line up or on the bench. Nasri starts. Ramsey is on the (R).
We need max effort today as usual to get these points on the road. Who knows what the Portsmouth player mindset will be toady. They are due to get paid tomorrow, maybe. That is a big MAYBE. The club has had to come out today and refute a story that they’ve been ordered to “wind up” their club by the Tax Service.
Eduardo!!!!! His FK deflects of Kaboul and sneaks past the defender on the line.
Boateng bodychecks Eduardo. This not ice hockey son.
Woohoo…. another goal from a set piece! Diaby is having a cracker again!
BEAUTIFUL SHORT PASSES IN THE BOX AND nASRI SCORES!
WHat a pass from song to EDU, to rambo to nasri to the bottom of the net!
2-0 Nasri off a 3 pass move.
Arshavin is a little off.
Ramsey needs to track back better on that (R) side
Yup I agree
Talk abou diving
We need an early 3rd to put Pompey away.
Arshavin has to pick it up.
Eduardo looks lively.
Diaby having another stellar effort.
You have to love the forward thinking Nasri who almost never passes back.
What are we going to do when Song leaves. His replacement will have BIG shoes to fill.
Walcott out w/ a rib injury. Maybe we don’t need you for this game but you got to suck it up son. Unless it’s broken, American football players, especially quarterbacks, play w/ rib injuries all the time. It’s called playing when you’re “nicked up”.
10 day out for Fabregas according to Wenger. This means he could be back for Everton w/ Landon Donovan on the 9th.
Bolton without Song now becomes more of a test on the 6th.
Man U up 2-0 on Wigan.
Amother clean sheet would be good.
@Yan, jinxed it
Gotta respect how Pompy fans are singing.
Gotta love how The Verminator suspends himself in the air a la jordan for a header.
Rambo! Brilliant!
Ok so he’s not Fabregas but that’s a pretty damn good goal from RAMSEY.
Rosicky on for Eduardo.
hah! just turned on the stream (was busy emptying my house of dismantled furniture) and Rambo steals the ball and scores! i fucking love that kid.
Belhadj scores to pull 1 back for Pompey as the defense over commits to a ball out wide.
3-1. Good holding from Kanu. This makes Rambo’s goal more important.
Sexy Lexy gets a goal! First of the season yeah?
Who will replace SONG????? 4-1. Great header.
I love this game!;-)
A 30 pass play for a beautiful Song header
Craig Eastmond coming on for Nasri.
good to see manny reassure eastmond…that’s what we need from the old guys and i get the feeling that’s why Wenger likes manny and silvestre so much
Bolton supporters could learn a thing or two from Pompey supporters.
Game, set and match.
Who else is kind of hoping we go out to West Ham on Sunday or at least Wenger makes a statement and plays the League Cup squad in the FA Cup too?
The Centurions. I love it, Tim. Nice one.
I love Theo and don’t want to see him sold. He has great potential, and remember that he came to football late, so he’s never going to have that instinctive feeling that other players have. What he does have is amazing pace. IF he can learn when and where to run, when and where to pass, he’ll be an awesome player. I think the potential pay-off is sufficient to give him another two or three years.
Plus, I wouldn’t make fun of a man who’s been in jail, Tim. Joey Barton’s keeping it real.
@connolysagent, Agreed on the Walcott stuff.
Not so much, Joey ‘Black-eye’ Barton.
@connolysagent, HAHA… Joey Barton keeping it real?! Yeah, sure. Just like CR7 keeps it real for Not diving! Or was that Wayne “Ill bitch slap you in a nightclub” Rooney? I forget, damn Oltimers!
Joey Barton is just trying to rehabilitate his image. Newcastle have gone to the top without him and his big wage bill so he needs some feel good press to reestablish himself.
Speaking of wage bills, NOW claim that the lure of 40K, CL, etc. plus a 12mil bid could pry Gignac away from Toulouse. The problem is that his scoring has taken a nose dive (19/4 goals) this season.
Here’s praying Cameroon crash out of the first round in ACN!!