Dear Tim,
Your site is absolutely awesome. I’m trying my hand at blogging over at ZOMGILOVEARSENAL.com could you please give me some advice?
Yours Truly, A. Blogger
Blogger, I get this type of letter all the time and my advice is always the same:
- Spelling matters — sure you can make a few typos, even the greats like me make misteaks, but that’s why the gods invented spell-check. Use ot.
- Use proper grammar — Sentences should not prepositions end in. Neither should writing be passive voice in. Unless you want like Yoda to sound.
- Use irregardless, A LOT, it is a word and it gets me at least 300 hits a day.
- Boobs, lots of men like them and even some girls don’t mind them, who knew?
- Find your voice. To do this, I created a character; he’s part sci-fi nerd, part Anglophile, and part Arsenal obsessive. He’s also 13 years old and laughs at words like cock a snook, cock sandwich, and cuckold. Oh and he likes boobs, who knew?
- If you’re going to write an Arsenal blog, you should probably know something about Arsenal and football. This last point is often confusing to the new blogger because if you look around at some places like Arsenal News Review you might think you can get away without any understanding of the game and the sad fact is that you can’t. Unless you want to be a laughing stock
Dear Tim,
Who is your favorite Arsenal player on this team? Of all time?
Yours Truly, A. Fan
Dear Fan (if that is your REAL name) I’m caught in a bit of a dilemma with my favorite player on the current side because I like Alex Song and Thomas Vermaelen pretty equally. If you’ve read the blog you’ll know how important I think Song is to the midfield this year. He doesn’t make too many spectacular passes (though he did set Eduardo up for that side-footer against Burnley last year) but rather he’s sort of the glue that holds the defense and the offense together. Thomas Vermaelen has simply transferred from Ajax and come straight into the Premier League and done a really nice job all over the pitch; scoring goals, mopping up defense, attacking, heading the ball, and generally being Arsenal’s hard man. Tough choice there. I’m going with…. Emmanuel Eboue.
Favorite player of all time? Patrick Vieira.
Right, keep the letters coming, if you need advice on anything (how to buy a home, relationships, family problems, Arsenal, etc) just use the “contact me” form above or simply send an email to 7amkickoff care of gmail dot com. I try to respond to all of the fan mail I receive, unless it’s really untoward (you know who you are).
Cheers.
Arsenal News 24/7
Awww…come one! I want to see the REAL letters:
Dear Tim – I have a chancre that just won’t go away. Thoughts?
Dear Tim – Is it cold for whites and hot for colors in the wash?
Dear Tim – Could you take that fellow from Gooner Talk in a Hindu mud wrestling match?
Dear Tim – Does Stan Kroenke own shares in Grecian Formula?
I know it’s editorial license, but don’t hide the good stuff, Tim.
February 24th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Wash the chancre with colors, wash the Hindu mud wrestling with whites, and wash Kroenke with the Grecian formula.
IN THAT ORDER, do not deviate irregardless your trepidations.
That is his real name. I know the guy. Actually he’s Algernon Fantasmagoricthwaite. He had to shorten it when he bought his Armoury Square stone.
That’s hilarious.
3 contradicts 2.
Tim, you boob!
Did you guys see this:
Premier League owe 56% of total European football debt
http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=746346&sec=england&cc=5901
February 24th, 2010 at 10:38 am
I’m no financial wizard, clearly, but isn’t this like saying that people with the highest incomes tend to have the largest mortgages?
Emmanuel Eboue! Emmanuel Eboue! Emmanuel Eboou-ooouu-eeee!
Song or Eboue? Tough. Both are such quality. I think Song has really done more to silence critics of the team than any other player. Cesc will always be Jesus, but Song came out of nowhere for people who don’t follow the team.
I love RvP (epic man-crush since the Charlton volley) but if he doesn’t get a double-leg transplant he’ll never be a 30 goal monster. Goddammit he fucking would’ve been this year. Cesc-Song-Diaby + Arshavin-RvP-Rosicky!?! poop. would’ve been neat. and a trophy. or two. fuck.
I humbly submit that “Al-ex Di-mit-ri Song Biloooongg” to the tune of “love lift us up where we belong” as sung by the boys at “It’s up for grabs now” is the most amazing song ever sung. And it’s dedicated to a man named Song. wheels within wheels. The 7 nation army Emmanuel Ebooooueeee is also class.
If you’re not listening to that podcast, you’re missing out on one of the best parts of being a Gooner. Seriously. It’s right out of the top drawer. Damn I always wanted to say that in a sentence. Hurray.
Tim, you should make a facebook page. Even though facebook is the devil.
February 24th, 2010 at 8:47 am
@Dooley, we have a faceboog page
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=95425936667&ref=nf
no one uses it, not even me.
February 24th, 2010 at 8:48 am
@Tim, you bums.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2866402/Ashley-Cole-begged-to-do-sex-rehab-in-bid-to-save-his-failed-marriage-to-Cheryl-Cole.html
Not to say i called it, but i did!! http://www.7amkickoff.com/2010/11-games-to-go-where-can-arsenal-pick-up-points/comment-page-1/#comment-14868
It’s so funny that when sports stars and celebrities in general get caught cheating that they say they have a sex addiction. Oh Ashley, you C*NT!
More…
Dear Tim – How do I shoot at an open goal? NB
Dear Tim – How do I avoid chucking the ball into my own net? LF
Dear Tim – Why the fuck did I ever leave such an amazing football club? PLEASE CAN I COME BAAAAACK? AH, MF, EA etc.
Heh heh (please no hate mail – I’m only extracting the Michael).
February 24th, 2010 at 10:11 am
@Grimbo, YES! Get stuck in Grimbo!
Nice gravatar
February 24th, 2010 at 10:16 am
@Grimbo, Nicely done!
Sorry for the tardiness but,
Tim- What is the Matrix?
Tim- What’s the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything?
Tim- If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, is John Terry still a cunt?
1. the place where my $30 went for watching three utterly useless movies.
2. 42, of course.
3. Yes, and he’s doing someone’s wife in those woods you know.
http://goonertalk.com/2010/02/23/pic-arsenal-school-of-excellence-they-teach-em-young/?
Hi tim saw this pic on goonertalk taught you would like it na knew you would like it.
I tried googling ZOMGILOVEARSENAL.com and I can’t find it.