Sam
Where’s my gum? Well done boys. The final score flatters them lot, you deserved something from that game. All three points I reckon.
Diame. What a great goal, lad. Where’d you learn to dribble like that? Never seen nothing like it. Then to curl it past their keeper fwoar… You could be our Terry Henry. One word though, if you ever get another yellow card for a goal celebration I will fine you a month’s wages. We need all our yellow cards for fouls and not for silly things like celebrations. If you hadn’t gotten that yellow you could have stopped Spanish fella, Carzola, Coralza, whatever from running rings round us.
Andy.. what’s to say but fookin brilliant on both ends of the pitch. I read somewhere that you won something like 17 Aerial Duels ? Whatever those are. Irregardless, you were magnificent, so good in fact that they simply stopped challenging you for headers after the first half. And your shot, that was so perfect. You were wide open and their keeper went mental to get the ball. You just missed. Unlucky. My only regret is that we couldn’t get more of the ball in to you. Have a pint on me, son, you’ve earned it.
Speaking of headers and misses. Nolan… Kevin. Why? Why did you miss it? Such a simple chance. Andy wins the ball for us and you panicked. My aunty could have scored that. What else did you have to do all day Kevin? Nothing. You’ve let your teammates down.
That was our plan. We planned it. It was a surprise. You saw how surprised they were when they thought we would press them but instead we sat back, saved our legs. We knew they couldn’t deal with Andy so all we had to do was get the ball to him and with our fresh legs run onto Andy’s knockdowns.
Ah well, would have loved to do one on ole Arsene but it wasn’t to be. Enjoy the two weeks off, lads. And come back fresh for the match against Soton. Win that and I think we’ve a real chance to win the League.
Now, gather round let’s have a moment of silence for Ricardo. He injured his shoulder when Mannone fouled his shin with his giant Italian face.
Arsene
Do you all have your fluids? Please re-hydrate, it is essential.
Did anyone pick up a knock? Per? How is your ankle? I know you will all feel some bumps and bruises right now and that is only natural when Andy Carroll is allowed to elbow everyone and climb on them to get an advantage in the air. It’s also important that we get the swelling down on any kicks you may have taken from their so-called tackles. Please see Colin immediately for treatment.
Overall, well done to all of you. You all did extremely well in the face of adversity both from the opposition and from Phil Dowd.
Yes, Andy Carroll won a lot of headers but we knew that he would and did fairly well to keep the second runner from getting to the flick on. We were doing so well on that account that they had to bring Nolan up and act as a second striker. That opened the game for us and that’s why I put Theo on.
Great goal Theo. You showed composure and finished with top, top quality. You keep impressing me and I will have no choice but to start you. But it will be a tough choice because I have so many great forwards at the moment.
Giroud showed tremendous energy to get onto the end of Podolski’s final ball and the touch to score was magnifique. Lukas is in top form and really enjoying his football right now. Gervinho, you looked a bit jaded was there perhaps a bit of a virus?
In midfield, Mikel and Santi had a massive game for us. You two make me feel like a fan watching you play. All other midfielders in the world should watch the movement off the ball by Mikel and Santi, they are always available. They simply want the ball all the time and when they get the ball they love it. Mikel was particularly wonderful to watch today, he didn’t have a single shot, but he broke up their play, got “stuck in” when they had the ball, and kept everything going for us.
Santi, you really deserved that goal. Classic midfield strike and wonderfully balanced to hit it so purely.
Aaron, you probably won’t get beaten by a nutmeg again any time soon. Just remember that moment and stand the opponent up instead of committing. You were also unlucky Dowd didn’t award a penalty but it sometimes seems like we have been targeted to never get another penalty call. We’ve only gotten one penalty in the League since 21 December 2011.
Gervinho, you were unlucky to get a yellow for Mark Noble’s dive but I am proud of you all as a team for not rising to Dowd’s risible refereeing. You leave the complaining to me, it’s my job to take those blows from the press and fans for you.
Also, before you leave, please stop by thee physios and have a word with Kieran. He will be gutted about the injury which might keep him from making an appearance for the Three Lions.
Thank you all and I will see you when you return from international duty.
Nice write up Tim, you never cease to amaze me.
I wish I had included a bit about how Arsene got the tactics spot on by bringing Koz on and playing three CB after Alardyce tried to overload the front with both Cole and Carroll.
Frankly I think a back three makes perfect sense for Arsenal. Give Vermaelen the Beckenbauer role..
Agree with you on the 3 in the center with “Pear” as the sweeper. Makes a lot of sense with the defensive capabilities of our WB’s and also Ox and Poldi.
Agree about Per being the sweeper. The outer two of the three defenders need to be mobile enough to get out to the flanks and be comfortable defending one v one. For all his strong points and despite an amazing ability to make the tackle on the turn, one v one defending is not one of Per’s strengths. Plus, the middle defender/sweeper needs to be able to read the game well and that’s probably Per’s best attribute. Going to three at the back when opposing teams are chasing the game and put a second forward up top is something I hope to see more of.
3 at the back is a sensible strategy when we’re facing 2 forwards. If the other team is playing 1 or 3 forwards then it’s not ideal – either we have an extra spare man at the back or none at all. We should roll like Bielsa’s Chile – a 3.3.1.3 when the opposition play 2 forwards and a 4.2.1.3 when they play with 1 or 3 forwards.
Tim – You crack me up. Here was I waiting for another stat attack. Proof that a narrative is better than any stats, no matter how skewed? Ha, Ha, Ha.
Third room, third team talk.
Walrus: Nice job Phil. How you had the balls to not give Diame a second yellow or a straight red to Ricardo, I’ll never know, but good on you!
(Deliberately kicking a prone player on the head meets my definition of violent conduct)
Phil: Just doing my job. You know you don’t want the ref to have too big a say in the outcome of the game. (snickers)
Walrus: Here’s a pack of gum, get something nice for the missus. Just don’t it a bung. There might’ve been more but since you rightly didn’t give the penalty against us, you should have cautioned Ramsey for diving. It’s the scourge of the game after all.
Phil: (sighing) You know big Sam, I can’t give you EVERY call.
Wenger opens the door. Walrus and Phil hurriedly hitch up their pants.
Walrus: Oi, Frenchy! Don’t you know Johnny Foreigner isn’t allowed in the referees locker room! Haven’t you learned to read english yet?!
Arsene looks incredulously at sign reading “Men”.
Last line is very accurate. People like Vaz Te or Nolan are not “tough men.” They are cowards. Kicking Mannone or grabbing Szczesny around then neck, when you know that the ref will protect you from retaliation, are the acts of cowards. I would *love* to see some of those honest, English lads up against an American football player, on the American football field, playing a game where the other side gets to hit you back.
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Consistently the best and most inventive writing about Arsenal on the net.
This is suspicious Tim. This must be your source who broke the full time team talk for you. I’m just surprised that you also have a source for West Ham. Are you secretly a fan of Sam? But then how can you know what happen in the “referee” locker room? I need more of this to gather more evidence..
On another note, are we playing the two bank of four again? If it is, then those crazy diamond formation might only be playing for a team with a first class forwards. There is no need for an extra emphasis for possession when opponent only relying on counter attack and put 10 players on their own half, in my opinion.
Sam: That was a fooking brilliant post, mate. Thanks for not mentioning how we tried to take the piss out of Mannone. Literally.
Arsene: Tim, you show great spirit and keen humour in the way you write. I feel your posts, like our current squad are getting better as the season progresses. You tend to be a bit pedantic but that is forgivable given the overall excellence you consistently show. Please keep it up and thank you.
1NiltotheArsenal: Nervy first half, but who can complain with three points from three great individual goals. Great poise and positioning from Giroud’s toe poke from Podolksi’s cross – very difficult. Class finish from Walcott to bend around the GK. And Cazorla! A strike worth the price of the highest admission in the Premier League. We’ve slipped back to 7th in the table but we’ve kept pace with those around us. It’s all we can ask.
Lol! Tim you make my day on a regular basis! I’m starting to sound like Bunburyist…geez!
Am I the only one in the goonerverse who actually thinks it wasn’t deliberate from Vaz Te? His leg was trailing but I think it was more in an effort to dive than anything malicious (although I guess cheating is ‘bad’) and I don’t think that was even in his mind (although, he does have form).
Damn good write up too, a little more interesting than the usual blog fare, without wishing to do down any of our fine bloggers of course..
I dunno if you’re the only one, but when I saw the slo-mo replay it looked clear that Vaz Te looked down at Vito’s head before he kicked it, making sure he didn’t miss. He’ll have a long time to rue that decision.
Mark Noble’s dive was obvious, but it’s also something Arsenal have to expect as long as we are seen as being weak from set pieces. Our piss-poor defending of free kicks at Chelsea were an advertisement to the rest of the league that the new Arsenal are pretty much the same as the old Arsenal when it comes to dealing with free kicks and corners. So Noble just delivered exactly what we can look forward to from every other team in the league now; go down easy somewhere inside Arsenal’s half, and see what you can glean from free kicks.
It would have paid off too, had Nolan not missed an easy chance. And for all Jenkinson’s solid play in the game, he totally lost Nolan in that moment. We’ve been talking about how great he’s been this season, but let’s remember that he’s been lucky not to have been punished badly on occasion.
Love the Andre Santos way of tackling..for a moment you think he is backtracking and then plomp..puts his foot on the ball….
Pers reading of the game is like a balm for headache…My only wish is for the German to get some goals from corners…Surprisingly used to be a lot more prolific for a defender in Germany.. His turn and shot which narrowly missed the post was something Carrol can only dream of..
Theo for the first time showed some aggression after his goal…that the media has been saying he lacked…He should come out as a top performer..provided he develops with this squad. It would be a win-win for both if an agreement can be reached..
yeah I love Santos’s tackling also, people talk trash about his defense but it seems to me that he’s pretty good at tackling, it’s just that he learned to play “fullback”: in brazil where the position is actually “lateral” or something and translates to full responsibility for bombing up and down an entire side, while 2 CBs and 2 DMs keep things on lockdown at the back. Hence, his positioning strikes english folk as risky, so they say, “oh, Santos is a shaky denfender.”
You are also right about that turn and shot from Pear, it was excellent.
Loved this. More full-time team talks please
Loved it ,agree with fourstar , you could have a classic comedy series in the making here. Quality!!!
Way off topic but somewhat amusing: Brendan Rodgers doing motivational coaching 101. He holds up 3 envelopes with ‘names’ of players or coaches he has predicted will not be making the grade at Pool and how the lot of them better be working hard this season to prove him wrong and not be in the envelopes. Problem was that the camera lighting showed the envelopes were empty. Ta dum.
Hey guys, just found these vids. Good stuff from our Maestro Arteta
http://youtu.be/EX2QeKa_zXs
plus all the reasons to be optimistic about Giroud
Yo this video is amazing. Thanks.
great post. if only Allerdyce had managed to say “I am the walrus…”