Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger launched a withering broadside against tall players on Thursday saying that only his mini-me’s can compete in the modern game.
Santi Cazorla may take comfort in Arsene’s words but former Arsenal trialist Yaya Toure will be looking to disprove the theory that tall players are less useful when the two teams meet at the Emirates on 12 January 2013.
“Because there is a smaller space the shorter players, the very agile players, are becoming more important and the taller players in midfield less so” the Frenchman preened.
Arsene also railed against tall players like Toure for their lack of technical skill “I believe it’s because the density of players you have to fight against in the final third is always getting bigger, so the quality of the pass and the technique in that area has become much more important.”
Wenger may feel backed by statistics as all three of the Premier League’s leading assist makers (Lallana, Hazard, and Mata) are under 6′ but statistics don’t tell the whole story.
Wenger is clearly excited by the fact that he unearthed another gem in Santi Cazorla, who had spent his entire career toiling in obscurity beneath mountains of Spanish sod.
Cazorla is virtually unplayable because apparently he has two feet. Cazorla’s podiatrist was unavailable to confirm his rumored bipediality at the time of this publication.
Sir Wenger (OBE) finished his tirade against the tall by savaging former Arsenal captain and known tall man, Patrick Vieira; “[Midfielders are] not destroyers anymore, they are players that the game starts from and the quality of their passing has become very important. That’s why you don’t really see purely destructive players in these positions anymore.”
Patrick Vieira has a career 13 red cards according to WikiAnswers.
This article is a parody. If you took this article seriously you should examine everything in your life. Additionally if this article sounds like the muck you’ve been reading you should examine everything in your life.