Interior: it’s a bar, a cramped place sandwiched between a yoga studio and a pastor’s office. It’s late, the after-work crowd has vanished in a cloud of whiskey and the only people left in the place are the bartender, a kid playing pool by himself, and two men sitting next to each other drinking beer.
So now what? What does Robin van Persie do now? You heard about Juventus, right?
Their coach has been basically caught looking the other way while the team he managed was involved in match fixing. To put it another way, he was caught match fixing, I mean, “allegedly caught match fixing”. He offered the Italian government to ban himself for three months from managing football, and they said nope. It’s a mess. Why would Robin van Persie go to Juvetus when its looking like their coach is involved in some shady shit like that?
Good point. And there’s been no further interest from Man U or Man City?
Yeah, they probably took one look over the wall and saw the fact that for a year and a half he played more games for Holland than for Arsenal and promptly climbed back down off the wall. Let’s say that Man U offered him £150,000 a week for four years.
That would be uhhh… do you have a calculator?
Use your phone.
Duh! 31.2 MILLION pounds. Even if they weren’t going to care a lick about Financial Fair Play, Man City’s not that stupid. Are they? Haven’t they learned anything from Robinho, Adebayor, Bellamy… I heard Roque Santa Cruz is still on the payroll! I mean who is going to pay a 29 year old crock 30 million pounds? Half of it in his last two years when he will likely not be producing?
Huh, that would be fucking hilarious if his only real option was to stay with Arsenal. Ha ha ha… I can see the contrite statement now. “My words were misconstrued” and “You guys know I have always given everything to this club” or the best one, he could pull a Rooney. “After the purchase of Podolski, Giroud, Cazorla, and Sahin, I feel like the direction of the club has improved dramatically and want to do my part to help The Arsenal win trophies.”
I doubt he’d say “The Arsenal”.
True, but you get my point.
That Robin van Persie is a two-faced cunt?
NO! They are all two-faced cunts and the tooth fairy isn’t real. Sorry to be the one to break it to you but all footballers, every one of them, is a two-faced cunt. Except maybe Jenkinson. I don’t think Jenkinson would crash his car if Arsenal offered him £55,000 a week. My point is that Arsenal have improved or will have improved if they get Cazorla and Sahin.
You sound like a dick when you say his name like that.
Cathorla? That’s how he pronounces his name.
Yeah, but the guy playing pool keeps looking up every time you say it like that. It’s not natural. People don’t go around pronouncing Shogun “showgoon” or Godzilla “gojira” so stop sounding like you are taking a Rosetta stone course in Spanish. Also, why not roll the r while you’re at it. That will give it full effect. Cathhhorrrrrla! Andele!
The point is that Arsenal are clearing out a lot of the dross. And after years of buying kids are finally bringing in players who are ready to make a difference right now. Guys like CaZORla who will make an instant impact. In an ironic twist, Arsenal are showing everyone and especially Robin that they have ambition. It’s almost like they heard the chants last year of “spend some fucking money” and took it to heart.
Huh… it kinda makes Robin’s statement look even dumber and greedier. I mean, he had to have gone into that meeting with Ivan and Arsene and talked about what they planned to do this summer. That’s what he said they did and that’s when he decided that “we disagree on the way Arsenal should move forward”. What if Arsene told him that the club were going to be offloading players like Arshavin and bringing in a big center half like Giroud. That the plan was to move him back to the number 10 spot and add some depth with Podolski and Cazorla. And that they were looking for a real defensive midfielder like Nuri Sahin to come in and provide cover for the defense. What if they told him all that and he still said “I don’t like the direction this club is headed.” What direction? The direction of getting better players in the team? Adding more experience throughout the whole club? Getting players in who can cover for injuries and for when the Africa Cup of Nations happens?
l. o. l.
Ugh… I hate when you do that. What are you a teenage girl in 2002?
I think you’re right. The club looks pretty good, though. I’d like to see some fullbacks and a backup keeper but other than that the club is looking pretty solid. If they get Sahin and Cazorla.
Backup keeper? You don’t like Flappyhandski?
Can we talk about that nickname? Because it’s fucking gaytarded. Seriously, are you not at all embarrassed saying that out loud? Ooh, there goes Flappyhandski again. Why don’t you come over here and give me a Flappyhandski?
l. o. l.