Whilst you all wait for the outcome of Tim’s epic Datafest at the end of the week (I’m for one can’t wait and applaud you both for doing it) I got bored of talking about the same old transfer s**t and so I wrote this…but before I go on I must say something about my last post:Typical Gooners… my von Pissy post of earlier in the summer was really just a right old rant that I’d held in for FAR too long and got a bajillion comments (coffcoff 44) and made me feel right tasty as a writer of this sort of bloggy stuff so when I got the idea for yesterdays post, which I thought was far better structured and relevant than the onscreen-vomit of my usual writing style (if indeed it can be called a ‘style’) I was not so much deflated at the lack of interest as suffering an ego- Hindenburg moment. The result, as of writing this, is just over 15 responses (5 were mine). I swear you lot are a miserable bunch… unless it’s toy throwing of the most epic variety then you don’t want to talk! Psssh… damn you all, but I still love you. Well, most of you, in a very non-contact, asexual, non creepy manner…besides it’s good to have the wind taken out of your sails every now and then and take a reality check on one’s skill set.
Moving on, are you as sick as I am of reading about: Higuain (yesterday was my last mention – until my next) & Luis “Chompy” Suarez? I swear there’s more non-fact based and unsubstantiated nonsense out there then a Creationist Science fair! Well I’m f***ing sick to the back teeth of it, I can tell you. So, let’s not talk about any of them today shall we? Instead let’s talk about silly things like – some of the interesting moments of last season’s global football and what might be to come in the season before us, and with frivolous abandon! The truth is I’m starting to worry less and less about our front line, who seem to have gelled quite nicely, and more about our midfield and defensive options and I’m about as far from giving a damn about a mega signing as Tottenum are from building their new Sh*te Hart Lane. Sure it’d be nice to parade a shiny new player that doesn’t have to be justified to all your non-Arse mates but if mega signings were all that brought me to love AFC (I have no family legacy of ANY club support – AFC was free choice for me) then I’d be bald from tearing my hair out, fat from drinking too much booze and drunkenly scoffing kebabs and slightly twitchy from nerves that had been shot out of a cannon for the last decade. It’s not easy being a Gooner, but I prefer it to the alternatives on hand, just saying. Oh and if the above describes you – sincere apologies.
Anyway – of course I think we need a few players in the squad but I’m not going to move from one bunch of transfer tattle to another of a slightly different flavour as something has occurred to me from watching a LOT of football from last season, and not just the Arsenal. The game at large is in a transition period where new styles of play are starting to bud from tacticians in reaction to the outright domination of the last 8 years by first Spain and then Barca. Since the dream team at Barca first started to come through with players like Messi, Xabi, Iniesta et-al pinging the ball around the pitch at Warp Factor 9, selfishly possessing the ball like the Devil did to Linda Blair in the Exorcist and shaming their respective national diving teams with displays that would win Olympic Gold. Meanwhile pundits the world over furiously spank their keyboards into submission with orgasmic delight gleefully declaring that Barca was the best team ever to even look at a ball and that Messi, who laughably is very tidy with the ball, is the best we’ll ever see so we might as well all stop watching footy because it’s all downhill from here. It always strikes me that in their wonton ferver they all ignore the fact that if a team played like Barca do now back in 1962 they’d have suffered more broken legs then a dyslexic and clumsy chicken farmer.*
Of course it started to all fall apart for Barca when Pep burnt out (I still have warm thoughts of the press room and the player’s faces…hoho) and took a year off. After that it became ALL about Messi, chinks were found in their previously impregnable armour and despite strolling La Liga (well come on – it is only a two horse race) in the CL last season they hit the wall. Well not ‘the’ wall, a German one called Bayern Munich. There’s no denying that at a club level everyone’s looking to the Germans for inspiration at the moment because tiki-taka got smashed…into-kaka. I don’t think anyone can argue with a 7-0 aggregate. The keys to the Spanish fortress of impregnable ball movement were laid bare for the world to see and the Spanish game got mud in its eye that’s been recently compounded with Brazil doing the same thing to Spain at the Confederates Cup recently. Real got given similar treatment by my favourite non Arsenal club; Borussia Dortmund who suffered their own RvP moment before the season was even finished which I think was a very nasty move by Bayern and was without doubt pivotal in the CL final result. The bubble even burst over the Special One who fell out of favour with Real, not to mention the Spanish press, and was Special Delivered back to England to be back where his brand of sound-bite is more loved because it means the pun writers in the Uk trash press can take the season off because he’s a one man quote machine. Yes, Mourinho returned to the bosom of the great unwashed chavfest that is Chel$ki as a much diluted version of the bloke that left…with his tail between his legs for the first time. With FFP supposedly coming in and his new ‘Quiet’ persona it’ll be interesting to see if he’s still the same manager without a bottomless pit of cash to spend, hell he even likes Wenger now!
Meanwhile back in England we got served with a luke warm broth of average football in a season where, with all due respect to the champions, it was won with an incredibly dull display best described as; ‘meh’ where the deciding factor was that Man Utd were simply the least s**t team out there and if we’re all honest the difference was just one man (you know who). We were busy rebuilding (again) because of the aforementioned backstabber, the Chavs were busy sacking their CL winning manager and trying to play ‘pretty football’ and failing again first with Di Matteo (poor sod) and then with Rafa which in itself was hilarious even if they did with the Thursday Cup. I really don’t understand why Abramovich doesn’t understand that ugly football is part of the clubs heritage. Citeh were Egosploding, trapped as they were between an Narcissistic manager and more player tantrums then you’ll see thrown in a whole season of Toddlers & Tiaras.** The Spuds were, well being Spuds and choking their own chicken whilst Liverpool and their newly polished Manager Rodgers were so worried about their “legacy” and that people in 2013 didn’t actually know what it might be, that they filmed a documentary to let us all know. This is because they’ve actually sucked at football for quite a long time now and it was laughably titled as the tale of the world’s most ‘Storied’ club, in order to paper over the fact that they’ve never won the Premier League… I’m still laughing about it now. You can’t make this stuff up.
So what about this upcoming season? Well it’s obvious that a new much stronger, slightly less pretty style is needed in Europe, something we discovered when we became the only club to beat Bayern at their gaff and came perilously close to winning the tie. Man Utd can’t seemingly get who they want to give Moyes any street cred, because despite being the sensible choice to succeed SAF, whoever took that job is bound to be crushed under the sheer weight of expectation as may be evidenced by their mediocre pre-season and Rooney’s foot stomping. Chel$ki have what they need already, barring Rooney, but a manager that only knows how to play a ruthless brand of football that, while it certainly wins stuff, it’s football that that no one but Chavs likes to watch. Watching him try to play ‘pretty football’ will be fun. Liverpool are more focused on not selling Suarez, which would confirm that they’re not the football superpower they think they are, and are otherwise busy hoovering up mid level players and praying we don’t actually up the bid to 55 million (which I don’t think we will). Tottenhumm are busy asking RIDICULOUS amounts of cash for a Welshman who may well Bale out (snigger) and have been talking up their chances in the press with world class players like Defoe spouting PR crap (eyeroll). Meanwhile Citeh have bought every available striker they could and promise much with their new more sensible manager although it remains to be seen just how he manages to get that many over-paid Princesses to not throw their toys out of the pram.
As for Arsenal… well. Despite all the booos and hisses out there, we do have some advantages: 1) We’re the most settled team. 2) The most settled structure. 3) A Stonking pre-season with 19 goals in 4 games – and yes I know the opposition wasn’t good, but Man U and Citeh lost to similar calibre sides. 4) A very good finish to the end of the last season. 5) A boat load of cash and seemingly the will to spend some. The only fly in the ointment seems to be that we’ve finally got cash just as ANOTHER Billionaire comes in and makes it rain ridiculous wages in Monaco (note; they’re not part of Europe and not part of FFP) to add to the usual spending suspects of recent seasons, this has seen clubs that didn’t have cash (Napoli) suddenly get cash, just at the same time as the world suffers a serious drought of world class talent. It’s slim pickin’s out there which is one of the reasons for the Chompy bid and much of the Gooner ire at not getting the other bloke. Personally I think Giroud will surprise a lot of people this season now he’s settled, Walcott just needs constancy to fulfill his potential and a lot of tasty young-un’s may just surprise us all… if old red nose can win a treble with kids, then so can we.
Whatever – I hope this has been a distraction from you refreshing your NewsNow page in the vain hope that something will change fast (it never does). Good luck with the eyestrain – until next time.
*legs/eggs… I really shouldn’t have to explain this stuff…
**Google it and if you’re brave watch an episode, but have a vom bag handy.