Yesterday was mildly blissful, finally wrote something for 7amkickoff after a massive hiatus (sorry), I scored some new business for my company, talked to a Semiconductor industry god for four hours about working with me on one of my projects and didn’t even hit the crappy Bay Area traffic on the way home… cooked a fantastic steak on the BBQ, drank expensive wine, got shagged senseless after GF’s throwegg team won their preseason game and fell into a blissful slumber after watching the usual Daily Show/Colbert Report hilarity and a few episodes of Robot Chicken thrown in for good measure…
To quote Mr. I. Cube – It was a good day.
This morning I woke up expecting the mighty Tim to have posted my new blog column so I could bask in the love and hate of the comments for the first time in ages and…..huh? Nuffin’ up there… Check the Twitterverse with my shiney new Grimbo only account (@BayAreaGrimbo) and….
Email from Tim; “not a good time to post this mate”… I wholeheartedly agreed with his royal Timness…
So instead, and unusually for me from the pit of my bile-soaked stomach as I froth like a madman at what’s going on at the Emirates, is this new post. I write this because I’m stuck at work and I feel like I could tear the face off a Tiger using nothing but my bare scrotum I’m so wound up…so for once I’m dropping my cool calm nature and I’m just going to do an ‘O’Reilly’…
First off…what the FUNK Wenger? I spend a not insignificant piece of time writing a good (I thought) insightful (I hoped) piece trying to explain why I see something brewing in that jewel of a brain of his and then today he gives what most are describing as a ‘mess conference’ that has the Twitterverse rioting more violently than the UK’s disaffected ‘yoof’ earlier in the week. Arsene; I respect you, I really do… but for ONCE I so wish your veneer of calm would crack and you’d have walked over to that Scottish Fergie loving journo prick and nutted the funker for not showing you the respect you’ve earned. Then I wish you’d turned to the cameras and called Cesc & Nasri “unprofessional cowardly c-nuts” for putting the club in this position and for biting the hand that’s fed their ungrateful mouths and shown them the way while they were mediocre crap-hats (albeit crap-hats with promise) – then in my mind’s eye, while storming off he’d turn sporadically twatting random journalists on the way out all while screaming at his PR people to ban all writers from The Sun, The Star, The Mirror and Daily Fail for life – finally to be heard as he rounds the corner “oh and tell Ian Wright to funk RIGHT off too! I don’t want to read ANY of his shite in the Sun!”
Sigh…Sometimes I’d LOVE Wenger to pull an O’Reilly too…
Secondly, and I know this will get me some hate mail, but funk Cesc: Yeh I’m sure you want to go home, I do sometimes too… but you’re a cock, you signed an EIGHT YEAR contract and had a whole team, a whole damn formation built around you and your skills.You even got Paddy’s number, PADDY’S FUNKING NUMBER! If Wenger hadn’t have pulled you from La Maisa you’d probably be playing for FC Shitaga, a La Liga mid-table never going to win because there’s only two teams in La Liga, team… because there were a million players ahead of you, but Wenger saw your potential and saved you from obscurity. However, you’re slapping us all in the face; instead of pushing hard, keeping your head down and making Arsenal winners you appear to be quitting to go and sit on a bench at Farcelona, because you’re not going to be first team. Yes – I realise that you’ve given a lot to the club, but you’re 24 and are leaving with your tail between your legs instead of your head held high! Farca don’t even WANT you FFS! Even 40 mill is DIRT money for you… and if the rumours that YOU’RE going to pay or take a pay cut to play for them? Utter wanknissity, just unbelievable. Instead of acting like a true captain of the club you let your old school chums (Pooyol, Prique etc.) constantly take the piss out of Arsenal with Farca jersey’s being pulled over your head after the WC and the c-nuts even taking pics of them nicking a framed picture of you from OUR TEAMS FUNKING DRESSING ROOMS. What kind of mates are they? One of my best mates is an East London Gooner we’ll call ‘Jock’ just for arguments sake. I love him to bits, one of my best mates ever – but he’s a sweary bloke and be a bit of knobhead sometimes as we all can be… he drops c & f bombs like punctuation. Normally I don’t give a toss, but when he starts it in front of little kids even my patience cracks and I tell him to STFU. True mates do that – Cesc SHOULD have done that, told his mates to shut the funk up… Instead… nothing. Goodbye Cesc, you could have been spoken in the same breath as DB10 or TH14, but now I couldn’t give a shit about you… and yes that’s after ALL the defending I’ve done over your silence. Anyone that argued with me on that point – I apologise unreservedly. You were right, I was wrong… and Cesc, don’t let the door smack you on the arse on the way out.
Less controversially – funking Nasri: You ungrateful, cocky wank-biscuit eating donkey-puncher. Two years of promise, two Funking years! I would big you up to all my mates “you wait, he’s gonna be a LEGEND!” LOOK he’s got the No 8! Then finally you start playing like the player I thought you were, but for 6 months. 6 MONTHS and then what? I even laughed that you riled up the old French guard (not so much when it was Henry – but I NEVER liked Gallas). Then you go all wonky, the mazy runs are the same, but you’re head doesn’t seem to be in it, you’ve become anonymous JUST when we needed that magic, when we needed someone to step up… instead of dancing past defenders you run into them, instead of tracking back you stop running… Statements are made that the contact renewal is not a big deal, not a worry; will be ‘dealt with in the summer’… Summer comes and we start hearing that you want to run it down and go for nothing – then it’s ManUre or ManShitty for you eh? You turn down HOW MUCH? Good; funk off then; learn what Pleb, Phlemini &; Adeybarndoor learned… its manky playing for other teams because to them, you’re just a number. Arsenal is a FAMILY, you will never get the respect & love anywhere else… you’ll see, so take the number of legends like ReddyFreddie off your back and disappear into obscurity you tosser.
Special mention -Funk FIFA: You bunch of corrupt old wrinkly back handed … I had something extra witty but I’m so angry I can’t see straight any more. Read your own useless rules on Tapping up you useless idiots. Let technology in the game, even CRICKET is higher tech then Football. It won’t corrupt the game, it’ll mean the poor saps that are called refs might actually get the odd call right and get some respect from players, therefore STOP letting legs get broken. I hope you’re all found out to be the corrupt shits we all know you to be and rot in jail.
Last but not least – Funk you Bunking Farcelona you utter, utter C-NUTS! I never want to hear the word ‘respect’ or ‘great’ muttered in reference to you ever again. When even one of your OWN legends in Cruyff thought you were out of order for tapping up of Cesc you know you’re being arseholes. Yes everyone loves to faun about your play, watch you dance around the field making ManUre look like tossers year after year, but no more. Teams are starting to find you out. We beat you, and were on course to get the draw we needed to put you in your place despite you all trying so desperately to get our players sent off after we found a way to break your magic at the Emirates. Yeh that’s right the strategy was working the same at Camp Pou, but in the most RIDICULOUS call in the long sad history of dickish refs, you finally got your way and even then if it wasn’t for Bendtner being a shite finisher we’d have clinched it. Tell me, how much did you pay that wanky ref to get RVP sent off? Not to mention the shite you were pulling against Real – Busquets, Alves et-al all diving around like they’d taken a shell to the face from a Sherman tank – then bouncing back up like nothing’s happened afterwards. Best in the world? HAH! You would not survive TEN MINUTES in the premier league where your precious antics would be laughed right off the field with a series of Red cards for simulation, you’d be left with just a goalie and Messi on the field. Your legacy will always be tainted with your cheating ways, and for me and many others your whole funking club will forever be looked down on as lower then pond scum – LONG may we raid your academy and publish quotes like this:
@IgnasiMiquel via Twitter “And for all the questions, I will not say I want to go back to barcelona when I am 24, I owe nothing to them.”
Ahhhh, the wonder of purging all the nasty crap that was building up in me… getting it out of my system… you should try it… I feel refreshed! Tomorrow will be a great day, a new day, a renewal of my faith in the team I love. It’s been proven that time and time again someone will step up and fill the voids left by the homesick Spaniard and the greedy Frenchie… we’ll get payback on the Diving Academy in time and may we never have to hear the phrase “Barca DNA” again.
Time to look forward Gooners – time to stop slagging each other off for small differences of opinion. Time will tell if this season is a real disaster or just another blip in the course of the club… remember the Premier League is still wide open… the Cash of Citeh was beaten by the youth of Utd recently and our boys more than match them. Don’t believe the pundits – according to them we should be playing in the First Division (we’re ALWAYS going to drop out of the top four) – we beat ManUre last year without Cesc, it’s time to let the manager manage, and the players to show they are true Gunners and not pussies or moneygrabbers.
Time to sing the songs! Time to drink the beers! I’ll see anyone in the SF Bay Area at Maggies in the Morning and I’ll look forward to hearing the AMAZING AFC away supporter at St James’ Park.
UP THE ARSE!