Your browser (Internet Explorer 7 or lower) is out of date. It has known security flaws and may not display all features of this and other websites. Learn how to update your browser.

X

Navigate / search

Arsenal v. Norwich: HULK SMASH

Known Knowns

Norwich allow on average 17.2 shots per away game, which seems like a lot but is actually only the 10th worst record in the League. They allow all these shots because they are 16th in tackles per game and 19th in interceptions. They do ‘redeem’ themselves by being 7th in fouls per game when they are on the road.

All of which is to say that Norwich are not very good defensively. A fact you would know by looking at the table and seeing that they have conceded 63 goals.

Offensively, Norwich go route one in away games. Never much for dribbling or passing anyway (dead last in dribbles per game), Norwich lead the League in long balls per game with 75. At home they are 15th in aerials won per game (Villa and Stoke are 1 and 2) but on the road they are 6th. And this formula works for them because they are 7th in shots per game on the road, getting more looks than Manchester United (12.4 to 12.3). Their accuracy isn’t bad either, getting 4.4 shots on goal which is good enough for 7th and again right there with Man U who average 4.9 shots on goal.

Of course, I say all of that knowing full well that The Canaries beat Tottenham with goals from their two wing players (Bennett and Pilkington) neither of which were set plays. Not only that but Norwich took 50% of their shots from outside the box in that game, which isn’t the hallmark of a route one football team.

Much has been made of Norwich’s form of late and with three losses in a row, conceding 11 goals in those three games, you can see why. As I said above, though, their last win was over Tottenham 2-1 at Wet Fart Lane. This is not a team to take lightly.

Tomorrow’s referee is Anthony Taylor.

Norwich have never won with Anthony Taylor as  referee with three draws and two losses in five games. Arsenal have only had Taylor twice and have one draw and a win. The Draw was against Sunderland at home, 0-0, and it seemed familiar to me for some reason so I went back into the archives and noticed that Taylor was the referee who wrongly ruled an Arshavin goal offside and then missed a stonewall penalty.

On a related note, Arsenal have not been awarded a penalty at home in Premier League play since April 2011. The infamous Liverpool 1-1 at the Emirates where Andre Marriner awarded Arsenal a penalty in the 98th minute for a clear foul in the box and then returned the favor to Liverpool in the 102nd minute when Eboue got too close to Lucas as the Scouse midfielder tripped over a shadow. I didn’t look too hard but I can’t find a similar period of time (over a year) between penalties at home.

Injuries to the Arsenal team are Frimpong, Wilshere, Arteta, Mertesacker, Wally Walcott, and (of course) Diaby.

Known Unknowns

I expect Norwich to play route one football and as a result, I expect Arsene Wenger to field nearly the same team that he played against Stoke: Wojciech Szczesny, Bacary Sagna, Laurent Koscielny, Thomas Vermaelen, Kieran Gibbs, Alex Song, Aaron Ramsey, Tomas Rosicky, Yossi Benayoun, Robin van Persie, and Gervinho.

If Wenger wants to surprise people he will start Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain over Gervinho, who had a poor game against Stoke. You could also see Santos play on the left ahead of Gibbs and/or in place of Gibbs in the starting lineup depending on Wenger’s desire to be more or less attacking. My preference in the front four is Rosicky, Santos, van Persie, and Benayoun as it gives a good mix of pressing from the front and counter-attacking ability.

I’ve seen some places suggesting that Francis Coquelin might get the start over Ramsey but that would be truly shocking.

The big unknown is the psychology of the teams going into this game. This is the last home game of the season for Arsenal and in essence Champions League football is on the line. So, there’s a lot of pressure on Arsenal to perform. There’s also the problem of this being one of the last games of the season and of the Arsenal team maybe hoping that Norwich will be an easy win or that Norwich won’t show up to play.

I don’t need to tell you the importance of this game because to a man the Arsenal supporters are about as nervous as I’ve ever seen them. The thought of not only going out of the Champions League but of allowing Tottenham to overtake Arsenal on the table is too much to bear. And I fear that should the proverbial “handbrake” come out at any time in the 90 minutes (unless Arsenal are up 6-0 or something) the crowd at the Emirates could get surly, quick. Like, Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk quick.

And should the unspeakable happen, well we all know what Hulk do when Hulk get mad, Hulk smash.

Norwich on the other hand have the enviable position of nothing to play for. They aren’t supposed to beat Arsenal. There are literally no expectations of them apart from “don’t get humiliated”. Some people say that this means they will turn over and let Arsenal rub their tummy. For me, I see them just playing loose and free. Which is far more dangerous.

Unknown Unknowns

Kickoff is 4:30am local time and there will be no blog on 7amkickoff.com tomorrow. Instead I will be doing the liveblog on Arseblog and then following that up with my By the Numbers column on Arseblog News.

See you all tomorrow and let’s hope we all see a great game.

Qq

None of the above

There are two games left in the League, zero points between Man U and Man City at the top of the table, seventeen points between 2nd and 3rd place, and just five points between Arsenal at third and Chelsea at sixth. At this point, the only thing I am confident that can not happen is Arsenal moving up to second place – because it’s mathematically impossible.

Unless you’ve just come out of a coma, you already know that.

Scorelines like 8-2, 6-1, 5-3, 5-2; stories like Newcastle taking chances on so many unknown players and having that gamble pay big dividends; Liverpool spending a King’s ransom and winning just five games at home but going to two cup finals; Chelsea tripping up in the League and yet making a miraculous Champions League run; Arsenal getting off to their worst start in 53 years and yet sitting in third place; Robin van Persie winning all the personal accolades; the Suarez racism incident; the John Terry racism incident; the rise and fall of Tottenham and Harry Redknapp; I could go on but suffice it to say that it’s been a pretty incredible season so far and I suppose an incredible season deserves to have 10 games on the final day decide everything from 1st to 19th (20th is already done and dusted, thanks Wolves!).

Just look at this goal by Cisse against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge yesterday:

via http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/papiss-demba-cisses-wonder-second-goal-at-chelsea/
via http://www.101greatgoals.com/blog/papiss-demba-cisses-wonder-second-goal-at-chelsea/

This has to be GIF of the season: 94th minute, Newcastle up 1-0 at Chelsea, and Cisse says to himself “what the fuck” and cracks out that goal. Sorry, but that GIF sums up the season for me.

However, there is one permutation which would make this storybook season come to a sudden halt and also bring joy to many Gooners’ hearts and that is if Arsenal win against Norwich (TOUCHING WOOD) and both Tottenham and Newcastle lose on Saturday.

Boom.

Season done.

Third place wrapped up.

Enjoy the final few weeks of football.

And start agonizing over which “world class players” need to be brought in to “give Arsenal a shot at the title”.

Of course, predictions on the way this season is going to end are fools gold. The only thing I can confidently predict is that any team can come out and beat any other team on Saturday and that Arsenal will not win the League title this season.

So, we might as well just stick to what we know and say it like a mantra: if Arsenal win their final two games they will finish third place.

If Arsenal win their final two games they will finish third place.

If Arsenal win their final two games they will finish third place.

…om

Qq

Wally goes for the 4th place prize

Gee, Wally…

How old am I? I’m old enough to remember Leave it to Beaver. Of course, not in first run. If I was that old I’d be looking for a retirement cottage in Stoke. But I am old enough to remember all 16 of us kids huddled around the family television watching Leave it to Beaver re-runs while mother did the washing-up in a basin, before she did the sewing, and the cooking.

Good times.

For those who never watched the show, I strongly encourage it. It’s a dystopian vision of human interaction set in 195os America. An imaginary world where gender roles such as “wife” and “husband” were forced on adults, sexual activity was completely disallowed except in the case of procreation (male and female domestic partners were forced to sleep in separate beds!), children were treated like property, and white people were kept in apartheid like conditions which the government called “suburbs”.

We live in an era, now, where vampires and werewolves have captured the imagination but I challenge you to watch one episode of Leave it to Beaver and then come back here to tell us which between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Leave it to Beaver is the more preternatural setting.

One of the many recurring themes in Leave it to Beaver happened each night typically during the dénouement of the show: “The Beav” who was the younger brother of “Wally” would turn to Wally and recite the lesson of the day in this manner:

Beav: Gee, Wally… well, I kinda-sorta, passed the ball to myself by kicking it past that smelly ape of a defender. Then I ran into the ball, fell over and was clobbered! I always try the same trick but that defender figured it out. I’m sure when Dad gets home he’s gonna holler at me for not trying something new.
Wally: Heh! It’s ok Beav! Next time gyp that crummy defender with a nutmeg and then beat the next creep with a Cruyf turn or the Zidane dribble and you’ll be a real star!
Beav: Oh Wally! Thanks! Sorry I deflowered all your desert after dinner.
Wally: HA HA! Beav… you mean devoured. Come on, let’s go brush our teeth and get to bed before dad threatens to strangle us to death in a drunken rage.

scene

That hairstyle is DEEEENCH, Wally!
That hairstyle is DEEEENCH, Wally!

Maybe it’s because I don’t subscribe to the official Manchester United news feed but reading some of the articles on the dot com makes me wonder if Arsenal aren’t kinda-sorta the Leave it to Beaver of world football. There’s all these great kids whose worst crimes are the odd end or letting their pants fall down after a night out.

I’m not saying that I’d rather have Jermaine Pennant back in the team so that he could get into a drunken rumble at 3:30am and punch a woman in the face, just… well… when I read quotes like this:

At times people just expect me to knock the ball and run but it is not as easy as you think to be honest. As soon as you start doing that, the defender knows what you are doing every time. You need to change it because you can’t just be one-dimensional.

I can’t help but envision “The Beav” sitting in the room with Theo ‘Wally’ Walcott as he tells him all about his master plan to be less one-dimensional. Which all ends when the Beav says “Gee Wally…that sounds like a boss plan.”

Maybe that just makes me old.

Châteauneuf-du-Tyne

Big day today. In fact, I would go so far as to say that today will go 33% toward deciding who will end the season with the Third Place Cup. Chelsea host Newcastle, Bolton host Tottenham and that makes for three teams fighting for fourth (or higher) all playing on the same day.

I suppose the simplest thing to hope happens is that there are two draws. That would move Bolton out of the relegation zone and keep all the other fourth/third place contenders below Arsenal by three points or more with everyone level on games.

If you’re rooting for a win, it has to be Bolton. They are the plucky little team who could and probably least deserving of relegation based purely on the “I dislike them least” scale. Also, they are playing Tottenham and Spurs losing is never a bad thing.

My gut feeling is that I want Chelsea to lose because when it comes to money-grubbing-mercenaries-who-steal-other-team’s-players-in-order-to-buy-the-League they aren’t the best around any more, but they were the first… in the last decade… in the Premier League.

But there is an alternate universe where one hopes Chelsea win: in that alternate universe you want Chelsea to finish fourth or even third, that way if they win the Champions League and Arsenal manage to fuck up the last two games of the season and Arsenal finish fourth over both Newcastle and Tottenham then Chelsea’s winning the Champions League doesn’t matter because they qualify for Europe by dint of their record.

Sorry, but hoping Chelsea win a match against Newcastle so that they can have the better record, in case Arsenal fuck up the last two games of the season, and in case they win the Champions League is like rooting for the school bully to take the lunch money off all the kids in school so he can buy himself a new bike because once he has his own bike you hope he won’t steal your shitty old bike.

As The Beav would say “Gee Wally, that’s hardly any constellation prize is it?”

Qq