EXCLUSIVE: Arsenal’s Nicklas Bendtner Dating Armless Baroness Caroline Luel-Brockdorff

Dude, where's her arms?

7amkickoff has obtained exclusive photographic evidence that Baroness Caroline Luel-Brockdorff (formerly Caroline Flemming) has lost both arms.

Whether or not her loss of arms coincides with the recently reported dating of Arsenal star striker Nicklas Bendtner is unknown at this time.

7amkickoff would like to extend our condolences to the Baroness and hope that she and her family enjoy a long and fruitful life. And for Nicklas, well, we’re just glad that he’s finally scored something this season.

More on this story as it develops.

I’m so bored I might watch Beckham play “soccer”

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE

David Beckham is scheduled to play “soccer” tonight with his team the LA Whatchucallits against some team from Texas, where they play on sand, and they really hate each other. I guess I’ll watch it just for the handbags that Beckham brings to pretty much every match. 8pm (PST), ESPN2

Tomorrow morning I will while away the day watching Slovakia v. USA and Brazil v. Engerland as I await the 1pm kickoff of the star attraction; New Zealand v. Bahrain.

MORE GOOD NEWS

This just in, Sir Alex Ferguson is personally responsible for all of the wealth in the Premier League. So, before you go and start suing him for defamation and whatnot, remember: Fergie kicked Chuck Norris’ ass.

THE HITS KEEP COMING

Yesterday’s contest was lovely and funny and the Random Number Generator did its thing and… frequent commenter, and known Paraguayan, Yan is the winner.  Congratulations, the shirt is in the post.

THE BEST NEWS YET

Citing the fact that the Premier League already has its fill of losers who whine about refereeing, the FA has refused to allow Celtic and Rangers in. Having lost that battle, they will no doubt be blaming Eduardo.

Which brings me to my UK culture question of the day: are Scottish people genetically predisposed to whinging about things? I mean, Ferguson is Scottish, right? And he whines constantly. Celtic still hasn’t forgiven Arsenal, and I’m half Scottish and I’ve been known to go on a whinge every once in a while.  So, I wonder, do Scots have an overdeveloped sense of injustice?

I await your answer in the comments.

I WISH THE NEWS WAS BETTER

Frank Lampard was rushed back from Doha when it was revealed that the flight that the FA chartered for the England team didn’t have places for these pampered sports stars to lie down. Seriously.

I mean, it was almost a 7 hour flight and without a proper first class cabin, there was no place for Lamps to lie down, which caused him to complain of cramps, and which subsequently caused him to tear his quad during sprints.

Initially it was thought he would be out for 6 weeks and would miss the Arsenal match, but it’s now down to 3 weeks and by the time he’s rested and gets a warm pie on the injury, I’m betting it’ll be a miraculous recovery.

Too bad, I was hoping for Deep Vein Thrombosis.

OF COURSE YOU ARE

The FA is hiring David Dein to bring a nice, orange glow to their 2018 bid for the World Cup of Nationalism. I can’t wait until he builds their bid up and then stabs them in the back at the last moment.

And FIFA released it’s monthly Preposterous Pronouncement, timed to coincide with Nationalism Week, that it will no longer give two fucks what player’s agents do! I’m really struggling to figure out what FIFA does, exactly.

There will be more of this tomorrow, unless the Beckham game puts me into a coma.

Caption this picture, win a shirt!

Before you email me, I know, it's a franchise.

Want a 7amkickoff.com shirt but can’t afford the $20? All you have to do is post a caption for the picture above in the comments section below and you will be automatically entered for a chance to win one of these lovely shirts:

We score more before 9am than you will all day!

The voting feature of the comments will not be used to decide the winner (that will be done with a random number generator) though you can feel free to ‘big up’ your favorites.

Also, if you want to make sure you get a shirt, you could just buy one! They are $20 shipped to America, $25 shipped to the rest of the world, screen printed on 100% superfine cotton American Apparel tee-shirts. Also, they are pretty kick ass and support my annual trip to London to see Arsenal.

Anyway, have at it, and at least TRY to be funny. Contest closes at Midnight (PST) November 12, 2009.