Arsenal Linked to “The New Adebayor,” Heskey, and Higuain all in the same day!

Now this is what I’m talking about! It took them a full week to get into the swing of things but as of today I can confidently say that the press have officially opened Arsenal’s transfer window.

Marvel at this article by Matt Hughes over at the Times, where the author suggests that Arsenal’s center forward problem could be solved by Emile Heskey. As much as I’d like to rip the article apart, I have to give Matt some props. At least he’s trying, and he’s not telling us a lie like “Arsene is going for Heskey” he’s just making a case for Heskey. Which is fine, even if it reminds me of one of those historical fiction novels, like Master and Commander.

Next up, we have some straight forward press reporting which has every magazine, newspaper, online journal, blog, and even town crier from here to Sunderland linking Arsenal to 6’8″ Ivorian Lacina Traore. It’s not really bad reporting because the player’s team is the one who are saying that Arsenal have asked about the kid. And so, of course, if you’re a 19 year old, playing for CFR Cluj and your club president makes an announcement to the press that Arsenal have asked about you, of course you are going to say that it would be a real honor and all that. And finally, of course the journo’s are going to report the whole thing. I mean, if I was in the press corpse I would do the same thing.*

What I might not do, however, is taint the poor kid by picking Arsenal fan’s  Adebayor scab and call him “the new Adebayor.” He can’t possibly be the new Adebayor, unless he’s lazy, constantly wanders offside, compares himself to Thierry Henry, demands a huge wage increase, then f*cks off to Manciti, and makes a disgrace of himself and his new club by constantly taking sh*t about his former club’s supporters. Oh, and Robin? Watch your face in training.

Basically, what I’m saying is that this kid has years to disgrace himself before being labeled the New Adebayor.

And then, finally, we have a story that’s so laughably stupid it could only come out of Spain. I know I make fun of the British press, but they look like paragons of reporting when held up next to papers like Marca, who just make stuff up in the service of certain big Spanish clubs. Marca are reporting that Real Madrid are going to trade Arsenal Gonzalo Higuaín for Cesc Fabregas. I don’t have a problem with Higuaín, he’s a decent player, but Arsenal aren’t trading Cesc for anyone and Cesc is never going to play for Real Madrid, ever.

So, all of this got me thinking, the transfer window has been open a week and in that time we’ve been linked with 10 players; Traore, Hulk, Heskey, Higuaín, Cole, Beckford, Bellamy, Veloso, Huntelaaar, and Victor Moses. Which player is the most ridiculous? Have your say in your poll below!

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Bendtner’s Groin the Key to Some Arsenal Signings

Despite the spate of injuries, Nicklas Bendtner has been a busy boy this year.

He started the season off taking over for the freshly departed Adebayor, followed this up by wrapping his car around a tree at high speed, then started dating a Danish Baroness, followed that all up with surgery for a hernia and now he’s recovering from a post-surgery groin pull. Like I said, it’s been a fun-packed year for ole Bendtner and it only promises to get better… because Wenger has finally revealed that whether Arsenal sign a new player depends on Bendtner’s groin:

It depends on Bendtner and how bad his injury is. He is being treated now and will come back on Friday for tests then we will assess the situation. The real test will be in the next two weeks, with the projection with Bendtner. If he is out for two months, there is no way – we will need someone absolutely. We cannot have just one striker. We are looking anyway and if we find a good bargain then, despite that, we will still do it. But there is still a 50-50 chance that we will sign somebody.

Ok, well, if a bargain falls in their lap they’ll take that too, but otherwise Bendtner’s groin holds the key to Arsenal signing an adult!

Some folks are suggesting that the player Wenger is most interested in is Carlton Cole. This rumor was sparked by Wenger himself when he said “why pay £10m for a player worth £5?” It’s widely known that West Ham want £9-19m for the crocked forward and so many folks saw that as an indication that Wenger is on his trail. You could also argue that Cole is the “bargain” that Wenger is looking to sign and that the price Arsene’s willing to pay for Cole is dependent on Bendtner’s groin: £5m if the groin is good, £9m if the groin is bad.

I’ve read various opinions about Carlton Cole and my favorite is that he’s the next Francis Jeffers. Sorry, but Jeffers is only 2 years older than Cole and is currently plying his trade as a substitute at Sheffield Wednesday. In fact, Jeffers has never established himself as a first team starter at any club. So, huge physical differences, playing differences, and price tag differences aside it’s a tremendous insult to compare the two, Cole is far superior to Jeffers. Anyway, enough of that, Wenger either will or will not buy Cole and it feels a bit odd to be defending a West Ham player from a comparison to a Sheffield Wednesday sub.

One thing that has nothing to do with Bendtner’s groin is Arsenal staying active in the pre-teen transfer market with the latest speculation pitting Wenger against Fergie in a death match over Cardiff teen defensive starlet Adam Matthews. Yay, he can hang out with the other pre-teen that Arsenal signed last week.

And finally, Wenger says that he might break the club’s “over 30 rule” (where they only offer 30+ year old players a 12 month extension) and offer Cappy Gallas more than a one year deal. He’s doing this, even though he let other players go, because, and get this, because Gallas is a defender. For the record, I think that the over 30 rule is arbitrary, stupid, and has caused Arsenal to lose players who still have something to offer to the team. Pires is probably the most famous example but Gilberto is another player who Arsenal let go because he was deemed too old, despite the fact that he had plenty to contribute and never, ever, not once complained or failed to do what the boss asked him to do. Those two still had plenty to give both on and off the pitch and losing their experience is one of the things that Gooners point to to explain the 4 year struggle this club has had winning silverware.

That said, Wenger has been very consistent, some would even say obstinate, in his career so this latest change in the 30+ rule is a bit of a shock. Color me pleasantly surprised, I think Gallas has a lot to offer both on and off the pitch, as I wrote about yesterday (in showing Djourou the ropes) and welcome him signing a two year contract.

Anyway, everything is closed in England today so there wont be any signings, new, like a new, or over 30. I guess I’ll have to see you all tomorrow!

Arsenal v. Bolton match canceled so let’s talk about Manciti!

As you know, the famous Arsenal “game in hand” remains in hand and all of England seems trapped at home under a devastating 1/4″ blanket of snow. So, what else to do today but talk shit about Manciti and speculate on possible transfer targets!

You stick around here long enough and you’ll see that I have certain stock phrases: cocksandwich, irregardless, “you can never go back,” and so on. Today I’d like to talk about how “you can never go back” to the way things were.

You can never go back to the way things were means that once you’ve been down a certain path you can’t double back and expect to go down the exact same path again, the path will inevitably be slightly different. Take a relationship that you had, say a wonderful 2 year thing from 2001 to 2003. If you happen to meet up (because you stalked her on Facebook, admit it) in 2010 you have to know that things will be different. Your paths crossed briefly but neither of you are the same person you were in 2001, her path and your path have changed. Are you still listening to Hootie and the Blowfish? EXACTLY.

Sometimes the path will be a little worn out in places, wider here and unkempt there. Sometimes you’ll try to go down the same path twice and find that it’s been completely blown out, trampled by literally hundreds of smelly hippies on their way to a Fish Phish concert in 2004.

The point is that people change and whatever dream you have of reliving the halcyon days of the Summer of  2002 will inevitably be dashed upon the sharp rocks of the reality that is 2010.

Though, from an outsider’s perspective it can be a little fun to watch as two people try to rekindle some past romance only to have reality stick it’s ugly head in there.

So, carry on Manciti, by all means try to rebuild that Inter team from 2006, the one that won the Serie A. Because it’s exactly the same thing as winning the BPL in 2010.