Give me a sign

Arsene Wenger has ridden to the defense of Eboue. It’s a toss up, which players do fans like to whip more: Eboue, Senderos, Gallas, or Adebayor? For me, hands down, it’s Eboue.  I can’t stand him.  But recently I’ve started to see why the boss plays him; because he provides extra defense on a team that plays so many players forward.  Frankly, I came to that realization this year while watching him plague Gerrard and I have to admit, I was sort of wrong about the guy.  He’s not a great forward, he’s not even a decent forward, but he is a great defender and his work rate is top notch.  If you team him up with Sagna in the back, you can sort of see what the boss wants to do.  Maybe he can work on his crosses.  Maybe he can develop a shot (I don’t think he has the instinct for it).  Maybe maybe maybe.  For now, the boss is happy with what Eboue provides the team.

You don’t always play a player because he scores goals, you play him because he gives you a balance to the team. We play in a very attacking style and Eboue gives us defensive balance

Right.  Defensive balance.  Go it.  I don’t think it’s his lack of goals though that REALLY bugs the average Arsenal supporter; it’s the play acting, fakery, getting stretchered off the pitch, insanely stupid fouls, and disgusting post foul genuflection that really, REALLY gets the fans pissed off.  I don’t care if he never scores a single goal.  I’d like him 1000X better if he stopped acting like such a C*NT.

What happens next is truly unbelievable: Wenger kind of has a syphilitic moment and compares Eboue to Ray Parlor.  Uhhh… let’s just leave it at “defensive balance” shall we?  Also, could you teach him how to put in a proper cross?  And while you’re at it, could someone please teach him to stop acting like such a C*NT?

The Poop Scoop:

Signings are imminent.  Any moment now I’m going to open up my news feed and see a hundred signings.  The whole team is going to be swept clear and the boss is going to start all over — which is the only way that I think he’ll make all the fans happy.

Well, maybe he’ll just clear out everyone except the striker position.

Moving to quash the minute-by-minute rumors that Arsenal are signing a striker, Wenger has revealed that Carlos Vela is expected to play up front, and will get Arsenal first team action next year.  Before you get too excited and say “he’s a natural replacement for Hleb on the left wing!” take these words from the Prof:

He has played the whole season at Osasuna on the left wing and he had to work hard there. But for me it is not his position he is a central striker, an Eduardo type.

Another goal poacher, which is just fine with me because the way Arsenal play they need 10 poachers on the pitch at all times.  At least, that’s just about the only way I can see the Arsenal fans being happy.

But seriously, Eduardo is not expected to make a full recovery until December and so some cover there will be nice.  There are a lot of questions about Vela (like “can a slight 19 year old fill Eduardo’s shoes?) but  Wenger seems to rate the kid highly so, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Speaking of signing players who are already under contract; Arsenal are working on extending Clichy’s contract.  Good for him, good for the club, good for the fans, I’d hate to see a player of his immeasurable talent pull a Flamini on the club.

And that’s pretty much it for signings today.

You could count the “signing” of Stan Kroenke to the Arsenal board if you really want.  It’s actually far more remarkable than the signing of Clichy if you think about it.  Just last year Peter Hill-Wood said he “didn’t want his sort” and now he’s saying thinks like:

Contrary to what I said before, I now believe he [Kroenke] may have a vital contribution to make to the future of this club. I’m not denying I said what I said, but I made those observations before meeting Stan. I have now got to know him and I have changed my opinions.

I think PH-W took one look at the alternative (Usmanov) and decided that he did actually like his sort.  I know I have softened on Kroenke since Usmnanov put his fat fingers in the pie so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that the board has softened now too.  Facing a hostile takeover by a convicted criminal sometimes makes people re-evaluate their situation.

That’s it for today, unless there’s a real signing or something.

P.S. Arsenal are signing Tarzan Puyol.  It’s true!  Never mind that he doesn’t fit the need (he’s too short, too old, and would cost an arm and 2 legs) Arsenal are chasing after him!

I love statistics!

If you want to gorge yourself on stats there’s some pretty awesome stuff over at Sky Sports. For example, Clichy is the EPL’s 2nd leading passer and led the league in intercepted passes. Flamini was third in the EPL in passing and had an astounding completion rate of 87%. Or how about the fact that Kevin Davies (of Bolton) is the worst fouler in the league?  I could keep going but I’ll spare you.

I will mention that The Guardian must have purchased the Opta sports pack because they provide additional analysis by league, by team, by individual, and by “odds and ends.” Pretty cool stuff, saunter on over there and point out something I didn’t see, I’d love to hear it.

One thing that that I did see is that Howard Webb hates Arsenal and the statistics prove it.

No?

Well, he was the ref in the game at Old Trafford this season. You remember, the one who gave Man U both of their goals through eagle-eyed reffing on one end of the pitch but for some reason turning a blind eye to all the Anderson/Scholes fouling at the other end of the pitch. In that match, the cleanest team in the premier league (with only 407 fouls conceded all season) somehow merited 6 yellow cards on 7 fouls with one penalty kick and another free kick right outside the box. Man U, on the other hand, fouled Arsenal 12 times and received 2 yellow cards. Coincidence?

He’s also the guy who “refereed” the debacle in the Carling Cup final against Chelsea in 2007. You remember… the one where Obi Wan Mikel and Lampard’s continuous fouling led to a Mikel foul on Toure which saw those two square off and then Lampard attacked Toure and when the Arsenal players intervened they were shown red cards. Yeah, that Howard Webb.

But this season, he seems to be going over the top with the Arsenal hate because this term he was the referee in charge for 3/5 of Arsenal’s domestic losses.

I don’t know whether the team plays different when Webb is on the pitch or if his refereeing style encourages a different type of play, or whether it’s just dumb luck. But for some uncanny reason, Howard Webb reffed 3/5 of Arsenal’s losses; in two of which he gave a penalty to the opponents. He also has a penchant for handing out yellow cards in general (more than any other ref) and especially to Arsenal (more than any other ref). Just look at any of the Arsenal matches he reffed this season.

Very strange.

Transfer News (the poop scoop)

I love yesterday’s story about Hleb wanting to be a gentleman and transfer out of Arsenal the proper way. Good for Arsene: the threat of punishment has secured Hleb’s proper valuation. A funny aside to the whole Hleb transfer story is that he has admitted that he doesn’t like London. He says it’s too busy, too noisy, too dirty which is all fine, and fair enough. So, of course it makes sense that he’s trying to get a transfer to Milan; that bucolic little mountain town in Italy.

Patrick Vieira is ramping up his retirement plans by coming out as yet another Arsenal pundit. Dude, if you want to complain about Arsenal’s wage structure and transfer policies, why don’t you do it like everyone else? Get a blog.

In the NOT NEWS section:Adebayor is NOT leaving for Barcelona or joining Hleb at Milan… that’s a relief.

Yaya Toure wants to play for Arsenal. There has NOT been any contact with Yaya or Barca, but it seems like he’s one of the 220 people who keep calling Wenger to see if there’s a roster spot available. I wonder who the other 219 are?

Kroenke himself is buying Hatem Ben Arfa. That’s player number 219, but only if Wenger promises him first team football. Totally, here, you can have, uhhh, erm, uhh Adebayor’s place, NOT.

Gervinho, Kompany, and Makoun are NOT numbers 218, 217, and 216 respectively. Of all those players, Kompany is the kind of player Arsenal need most: especially since Robin van Persie needs some Kompany in the infirmary.  Thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal, tip the waitress…

Anyway, that’s your NOT NEWS section for today!

Wait… I checked the news feed after I wrote this and I had 49 news items, let’s see if any are transfer rumors. YEP! Obafemi Martins! Arsenal have definitely NOT approached Newcastle for him. Which doesn’t make any sense since I thought Wenger was collecting strikers, oh well, guess NOT. In other NOT news, Arsenal are NOT linked to Gareth Barry, just as they are NOT linked to signing anyone… really.

Spend it like Beckham

Goodness. The rumor mill is in full effect this morning. Arsenal are slated to sign so many players I can’t even keep track of them all. The one that I found most comical though is Mario Gomez. Yes, Arsenal are going to sign another forward, because as we all know, Arsene collects strikers. I could be wrong. Maybe Wenger will go back on his promise not to collect strikers. Maybe Wenger will see that Adebayor scored 30 goals on an extremely efficient 130 shots and say “not good enough.” Maybe Wenger will see van Persie’s chronic injury record and say “not good enough.” Maybe Wenger will fret over Eduardo’s ability to overcome the mental block that is sure to happen because Martin Taylor broke Eduardo’s leg with a professional foul. Maybe Wenger will see the influx of Randall, Vela, and Theo, and say “not mature enough.” And maybe the boss will get sick of the quiescent Nicholas Bendtner.

Maybe.

But somehow I think not. In those 4 strikers (Ade, RvP, Dudu, and Sleepy) Wenger has the perfect set of strikers for Arsenal. RvP is exactly the kind of sparkle player that Arsenal need and the boss is hopeful that his 16 month run of injuries was just bad luck. Ade terrifies defenses with his huge frame, strength, aerial ability, speed, and nose for goal. Dudu is exactly the kind of goal poacher that Arsenal needed last year and the boss thinks he’s mentally cut from the right kind of cloth to bounce back and take on the Taylor’s of the Premier League again next year. And Sleepy… Well, Sleepy… Ok, he could sell Bendtner and buy a fourth striker.

But that’s the only way Arsenal are buying a striker: these are tight times budget wise, folks. I know that I’ve been beating that drum and you’re probably tired of hearing it, but that there is the facts. Arsenal have somewhere in the realm of £20m pounds to spend thus summer. There will be more cash on hand when Arsenal sell Hleb (which is inevitable in my opinion) but that cash will have to be used to buy a replacement. In fact, the only position that will be strengthened is in defense. Any other purchases will be to fill vacancies.

I don’t expect Arsenal to “spend like the big four” this summer. In fact, I don’t even know what “spend like the big four” means. Does it mean to pile on more debt until you reach £1bn? Does it mean recklessly overpaying for players as some kind of Live Action Fantasy Football team for some dumb rich guy who will then pretend to “clear the books” but in actuality has leveraged debt obligations on the backs of the fans? How about an ownership group that has huge public blowouts, debts that can’t be restructured, a free spending manager, and a rabid fanbase that’s willing to sell the future for a shot at a trophy now?

Or maybe they mean a team that plays the world’s most beautiful football, develops young talent, and actually made a profit off player sales this year?

Nah. The press are only interested in top four clubs like Tottenham; who spend through the nose for untalented hacks. After all, it’s a better story when that team falls flat, isn’t it?

Who will Wenger buy, how much will he spend, will it be a striker, a defender, an old player, a young player, a winger, a tisket, or a tasket? I don’t know, but the boss promises to let us all in on it very soon.