Stop me if you’ve heard this one… Sir Edward Kennedy! That’s right, the Queen and Gordon Brown have conspired to give Teddy an honorary knighthood for all his work in Northern Ireland, in bringing health care to America, and.. um… bringing educations to the childrens. Huzzah!
But then in a cruel twist of fate, it turns out we’re not allowed to call him “Sir” because only British people can be called “Sir.”
So you make him a knight and then you’re all “oh but no calling him Sir” even though your own Prime Minister called him Sir Edward Kennedy? What was it, Sir for the day?
I’m sorry, but you gave him the title and I’m calling him Sir. If I have to call some horrible c*nt like Alex Ferguson “Sir” then I’m sure as hell calling lovable lush Ted Kennedy “Sir.” Besides, I earned that right when someone else’s forefathers kicked someone else’s forefathers British asses! I remember it from High School History, ‘Merica broke away from King George because we wanted lots of taxation, guns, free speech, no-knock searches, the price of tea in China, we were tired of being forced to house British troops, and we wanted the right to call each other Sir if we so choose. It’s in the constitution, it’s the 14th amendment, I think.
While all this Sir-a-baloo was going on Arsenal got handed a leg up in the race for our fourth place birthright when Man City conspired to beat Aston Villa 2-0. Am I the only one who thinks “Man City” is funny? Like maybe San Francisco should change its name to “Man City?”Anyway, erm, yes, Citeh beat Villa 2-0 and it sure looks like Villa is collapsing. Huzzah!
Yesterday’s collapse signaled all the “told you so” folks to prepare their long winded speeches about how us doom and gloomers were wrong and how they are always right and how we need to stand by our man (Wenger). Start prepping boys, I want some real fire and brimstone from you lot.
I’ll admit that it is a spectacular collapse and as I said nearly three weeks ago Einstürzende Aston Villa has a bit of a rough patch coming up schedule wise — facing all the other top teams in the next few weeks — while Arsenal has a bit of an easy patch coming up. In their next four matches Einstürzende Aston Villa face a resurgent and hungry Tottenham, Liverpool at fortress Anfield, Man U at Old Trafford, and an angry Everton. Arsenal on the other hand face Blackburn, Newcastle, Citeh, and Wigan. Arsenal are on a 14 match unbeaten run, Villa have taken just 5 points from their last 5 matches. Anything could happen but I have to think that Arsenal’s luck is about to change and that 3 point difference is about to be erased. Huzzah!
It doesn’t hurt that Sir Theo Walcott and Sir Eduardo might be fit enough to play against Burnley on Sunday and thereafter provide Arsene with some much needed depth and pace in attack. Just having the option to put Theo on rather than Eb*ue is enough to get me all excited about the run in to the end of the season.
In other injury news, Toure is being ruled out for Sunday but Gallas is being ruled in. Adebayor is out for another two matches. Cesc isn’t being touted as coming back any time soon (how much you wanna bet he’s a surprise inclusion for the Roma match?) and Rosicky has dropped off the radar completely (April was last word on him). Can’t wait for them all to be healthy and kicking butt in time for our sticky patch in the Premier League. Huzzah!
And finally, I’m not going to rub in the story about Cesc saying if Wenger leaves he leaves, what’s the point? Rather, I’d like to point out that Ashley Cole is the only person in the history of mankind to get arrested for being drunk and disorderly at a charity event.
A knighthood for Sir Teddy Kennedy, Villa close the gap between Arsenal and their 4th place birthright to 3 points, good news on the injury list with Sirs Theo and Eduardo returning, and Ashley Cole getting arrested at a charity event.
Now, if the youngsters can top off the day with a FA Youth Cup win against old rivals Tottenham we can all exclaim Huzzah!