I wish The Sun would just die in a fire

cana-nasri1

Well, the Sun is back with more stuff they either simply make up or they let others make up for them and report it as fact.

Tiring of the Arshavin to Barca story, today they claim that an “Arsenal Insider” told them that Arsenal would sell Cesc for £40m. Sigh… the only thing interesting about this story is the fact that they can’t say “Cesc wants to go to Real Madrid” because he’s categorically denied wanting to leave like, what, three times already this month? So, instead they just switch to “the club would sell if the price is right.” Of course the club would consider selling if the price was right AND the player wanted to move on.

But saying that is a far cry from “Arsenal slap £40m price-tag on Cesc.” He’s not for sale, they haven’t slapped anything on anyone, though I’d like to see them slap The Sun.

Maybe next year might be different, Wenger himself has admitted that, but this year, right now, everyone, EVERYONE is committed to this team and this project.

Full Stop.

The only other news stories are that Lorik Cana is NOT transferring to Wolfsburg and that Real Madrid have admitted that they need to sell. The Cana story is really interesting for a couple of reasons.  First, his manager (and dad) admits that he’s looking to leave l’OM but he’s just waiting for his replacement to sign first. That replacement is supposedly none other than supposed Arsenal/Newscastle/Everton target Stephane M’Bia. So, anyway, that’s all well and fine, but the other interesting statement is that l’OM only want £6.5m for Cana. I don’t know about you but I find that price tag incredibly cheap for a player of his stature.

Also, I just want to admit that I am now personally targeting Lorik Cana for Arsenal for the following reasons: he’s a male model and we haven’t had one of those since Freddy Ljungberg left, he’s played with Samir Nasri before, and in the photograph above you can see that he’s not all brawn and beauty, he has a soft side — cradling grown men in his arms as they weep gently on his shoulder.

All that for just £6.5m? Come on!

The second story is obvious, Real Madrid have a squad of some 35 players as it stands and with more players expected to come in (LIKE CESC, AMIRIGHT???) they are saying that they need to sell 10 players. So, in the spirit of The Sun’s journalism I’m going to make something up:

ARSENAL SLAP THE TASTE OUT OF CALDERON’S MOUTH WITH £10m PLUS EBOUE’S RIGHT LEG FOR DANI PAREJO.

Sources inside 7amkickoff spoke exclusively to 7amkickoff and revealed that Arsenal are making a shock bid for 20 year old 6’1″ 76kg U21 Spanish International Dani Parejo. Our source said “well, he had a great loan spell at Queens Park Rangers and that’s “like a Premiership Team” so we think he would be a great addition to this Arsenal team, in fact he would be ‘like a new signing.’  That is, if we can’t get Lorik Cana to do some underwear modeling for us first. Also, if we can’t get Melo in Yellow. Though we’ll be wearing blue as an away kit next year so that joke doesn’t make any sense.” When we attempted to contact Dani Parejo he was unavailable for comment though another source inside 7amkickoff said “honey, are you almost done with the blog? I need you to take out the trash.” And we all know what THAT means!

Oh god, please let there be news tomorrow, real, honest to goodness news.

Calderon’s Super Duper League + Transfer Snooze

Good lord… I think I might have drank a bit too much last night celebrating my independence from something or another.

You know it’s a bad night when you wake up on the living room floor in the middle of the night with a pair of traffic cones and a Scooby Doo comic book. Fortunately, it’s a Sunday and that almost always means little or no news. I guess I get off light today! I need it.

First up, Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has expressed his interest in revisiting the “Super League” idea: wherein basically the G-18 would play each other in a special, extra competition. I think of it as sort of a “39th game on steroids.”

I’d like to think that something like this would never happen but when it comes to money and big clubs you just never know so, lets take a second and see just how stupid this idea is.

First, the best clubs in the world already play each other in the Champions League. I know he says that they don’t, but it’s not true. Last year Arsenal played Porto, Fener, Roma, Villareal and Man U in the Champions League. Now, I’m not sure who Perez would include in his little circle jerk of “top clubs” but those are top clubs in their respective divisions. In fact, if you look at the history of the Champions League Finals, it’s almost always 2 clubs from the G-18. So, it’s a lie that the world’s top clubs don’t play each other. What’s really going on is that Real Madrid have been dumped out of the Champions League in the first knockout round 5 years in a row now and haven’t gotten past the second round since they won all the way back in 2001. They are just sore losers.

Second, we don’t need more games because more games means deeper squads. Thus, only clubs that are engaged in financial doping would be able to afford the squad needed to engage in such a system. So basically it would be a “super league” of Chelsea, Man U, Real Madrid, and Manchester City. That would be a lot of fun, wouldn’t it?

Speaking of Man City and buying trophies, Martin Petrov figgers that City could be “as good as” Arsenal. Here’s the thing about that… no chance. I’m not saying they won’t be able to buy a few big names and gather a team of some of the world’s most expensive talent and hell, they might even be able to parley that into a top 4 finish or even a few trophies. But they need about 20 years of challenging for the top of the league to be “as good as” Arsenal. Besides which, it’s temporary, this spending, just look at Chelsea — biggest paychecks in the league, biggest transfers in the league, a BILLION U.S. dollars spent, and all they won was two Premier Leagues and two FA Cups.

And now, as the sun’s setting on Chelsea and the glimmer of gold is shining at Real Madrid and Man Citeh, Chelsea’s having a devil of a time holding on to their current squad of mercenaries, much less attracting top talent like Ribery.  That seems to be the cycle at these clubs; throwing tons of money around gets temporary success, followed by years of mediocrity.

Enjoy it while you can, City supporters.

Transfer Snooze

Evidently, the Alsacian army is storming across Belgium picking up want away players left and right. After signing Tommy Vermaelen, Arsenal are now being begged to snap up Eden Hazard, by none other than Eden Hazard himself. We’re pretty full of attacking options on this team, and he’s a bit young and raw, so I’m not sure we really need him. Which means he’s almost certainly going to be unveiled as the newest Arsenal signing on Monday, right?

Right… Arsene will unveil him right after we send Adebayor to AC Milan for £20m plus Flamini. Wait, £20m PLUS a player for Adebayor? Something doesn’t add up. See, I put Adebayor’s value at around £15m and rumor has it that Flamini has a huge annual salary, one that we didn’t want to pay and that now AC Milan doesn’t really want to pay either. So, if you take Adebayor’s £20m and SUBTRACT the inflation on Flamini’s contract I bet this drags Adebayor’s value down to the £15m range!

Perfect! So this too is a done deal, right?

Melo to Arsenal for Eboue Makes a Very, Very, Happy 4th

cashley

To all my American readers, happy 4th of July. I hope you all raise a beer and grill a meat in honor of our melting pot of a country and this our 233rd independence day. Also, if you could do me a huge favor and not point bottle rockets at my house, I would really appreciate it. I mean, I’d hate to have to yell at you, then shoot you with my guns, while refusing to quarter British troops…

Anyway, I was just getting to the point in the summer where I resign myself to accepting the fact that Arsenal’s only moves were going to be signing a bunch of players already under contract, like van Persie, Gibbs, Rambo, and Wilshere when all the sudden, like a lightning bolt, Fiorentina’s director Pantaleo Corvino admits on the club web site that they are in negotiations with Arsenal over Felipe Melo, and that, incredibly, they want Eboue thrown in as a makeweight in the transfer.

*blink*

*blink blink*

Not only that, but, erm, he says they are already negotiating with Eboue over contract terms.

*blink*

Well… I say why stop there? We’ll give you two Emmanuel’s for the price of one! How about we throw in Emmanuel Adebayor to sweeten the deal? How could you turn down a man who, according to his brochure, is “wifi enabled” and a “tender lover?”

How indeed.

I don’t know about you but this news is cause for celebration! I think I’ll even remove him from the “players who didn’t sign for Arsenal page,” there’s life left in this deal yet!

Speaking of that page, I had some trepidations adding Melo when I did because in the back of my mind I thought that there was the off chance that his extending his contract was basically just his way of paying back his employers for taking a chance on him in the first place — you know, extend his contract and increase his transfer fee sort of thing. Fingers crossed that I was right.

The only other story of any note, and one that’s sure to bring a big ole shiat-eating grin to the face of all Arsenal supporters, is that Ashley Cole is rumored to be going to Real Madrid. You all already know how absolutely perfect that would be if it is true. Cole is probably back to his best form since he disgraced himself to wallow in Rubles at Stamford Bridge and though he, like all Chelsea players, is prone to severe bouts of indiscipline and disrespect for the game the Chelsea supporters have finally taken quite a shine to him. In short, now is exactly the time for ole Cashley to do what he does best; cash in on all that good will and move on to a bigger club and a bigger salary. Who could blame him really, this could be his last chance to play for a club with a real history and a real future, oh and did I mention a bigger salary?

Wow. That’s a good day isn’t it? Arsenal are on the brink of signing that hard nosed midfielder that everyone wants, while throwing in a player who is probably excess to requirements, and Chelsea about to get screwed by Judas for a few pieces of silver.

I’ll raise a Pilsner Urquell to that!

Have a happy and safe 4th, and please, seriously, don’t point those damn bottle rockets at my house, thanks.