Newcastle 1-3 Arsenal; the Good, Bad and Ugly

Match Reports

ESPNSoccernet: Michael Owen could not prevent Newcastle from slipping deep into relegation trouble as Arsenal closed the gap on the Barclays Premier League’s top three with a 3-1 victory.

Telegraph: Newcastle in grave danger of being relegated as Arsenal run riot.

Match Video

The Arsenalist always has the freshest match videos. They are piping hot today, try them with some butter.

Man of the Match

Bendtner played well and scored an excellent goal which led the Telegraph to name him MotM but I couldn’t quite rate him that high when I though van Persie played so damn well. If Steven Harper hadn’t made 1/2 dozen excellent saves on Robin, he would have been the consensus MotM but as it happened Robin only set up the two goals that blew the doors off the match.

So, for his part in swinging the game in our favor I’m giving Robin van Persie the award.

The Good

Bendtner had a very strong game and came within a whisker of getting his first Man of the Match award from me. I’m going to assume that his header was intentional despite the fact that he typically couldn’t score in a morgue. Since we’re assuming it was intentional then it has to go down as one of the best headers I’ve ever seen: falling backward, floating in the air, he nods the ball over his head and into the top corner — an unsavable header.

Arshavin had a strong game as well, introduced to English “football” by the likes of Steven Taylor, all he did was fight back shake Taylor off and damn near score an amazing long range shot. He did make the box score since he’s the player who put the ball on Bendtner’s head. He now has a goal or an assist in each of the last 5 games — games in which Arsenal have scored a total of 15 goals. To say that he’s crucial to our success over the last few weeks is pretty much the understatement of the year.

Finally, a shout out to Almunia who’s penalty save was critical in keeping some distance between Arsenal and Newcastle. Though he still refuses to command his box his reflexes are absolutely top notch and when he’s brimming with confidence, as he is right now, he’s one of the best keepers in the world.

The Bad

Mark Halsey had a nightmare as lead ref. How does he see Steven Taylor look up, see Arshavin bearing down on him, and intentionally elbow the Russian in the face and not even give a yellow? I’m also completely shocked by the penalty decision. I think he awarded the penalty because he felt like maybe he should have awarded one earlier for Damien Duff’s dive. That’s the only thing that makes any sense. Either way, the fact that the only player given a yellow card was William Gallas is an embarrassment and he should never be allowed to referee a match in the EPL again.

The Ugly

Steven Taylor is a cunt’s cunt and I hope he gets syphillis on his injury. End of.


Arsenal head into a two week international break 16 matches on the trot without a loss. In fact, Arsenal haven’t lost a match since Manchester City beat us 3-0, back in November. Amazing stuff.

And now we come full circle. Our next match (April 4th)  is that same team who last beat us. All signs point to a strong Arsenal team just getting stronger: Cesc and Adebayor are expected to be fit and even Theo Walcott might be fit for that match.

Damn it feels good to be a Goonah.

Newcastle v. Arsenal; liveblogging the best day ever?

Rooney! You're an *sshole.

Good morning and welcome to what could possibly be the best day ever. First, Chelsea are getting beaten 1-0 by Tottenham and second, and much more importantly, Man Unit had their asses handed to them 2-0 by Fulham. PLUS! Wayne Looney got sent off for something, which is a miracle, and I’m praying to the Gods that it’s for dissent.

I can’t wait to read the match report.

Lest you think that I’m purely negative, I’m also happy that Pompey got a win.

Now, if Arsenal gets a 6-0 win it will be a great day!  Back in a few minutes with the lineup.

Diaby and Denilson start in the middle and Arshavin and van Persie start up front. That means a 4-4-2 and Denilson/Diaby need a huge game: knock on wood!


Sagna    Toure    Gallas    Clichy

Bendtner    Diaby    Denilson    Nasri


van Persie

Just a few seconds now ’till kickoff and news reports are indicating that Looney was sent off for dissent.

What’s Newcastle’s mascot? Is it supposed to be a magpie? Because it looks like a skunk. Oh, I bet I know what’s happening with Google Reader and my feed. It’s George W. Bush’s whacky time change! I just noticed that WordPress thinks it’s 9:33 am when here in America it’s 10:33 am, by King George’s decree! So, expect your feeds will be all f*cked up for the next few weeks, until time gets sorted.


4′ – nothing happening, except Bendtner is doing his best Adebayor impersonation by getting caught offside a couple of times already.

6′ – Newcastle gets a corner when one of their players shoves Toure down from behind. Then Almunia does nothing in the box despite the ball coming in to the 6 yard box. Why have a keeper if he’s just going to stand there and watch?

9′ – Galas whiffs a wide open header. Damn.

13′ – Steven Taylor intentionally stands on Arshavin’s foot and kicks him in the back of the leg. No foul called. That’s the kind of cheap shiat that I hate, I hope Steven Taylor suffers a career ending injury at the hands of one of his teammates.

18′ – Duff with a terrible dive. Come on ref, get out the cards.


25′ – How the hell did the ref give Newcuntsle a penalty? Can someone please enlighten me as to how that was a foul much less a penalty? Arshavin with a great little move and shot, luckily saved by Steven Cunt.

30′ – Steven Cunt looks up sees Arshavin going for the ball and elbows him intentionally in the face. That should have been a straight red. At least the ref saw a foul this time.

35′ – Arshavin dribbles through a barrage of Steven Cunt “tackles” and shirt pulling to rifle in a tremendous shot. That’s one way to answer them, get a good goal. Damien Cunt with a foul on Sagna.

40′ – Arsenal need to tighten up in defense, Newcastle, a team that is a quivering wreck of a team, is picking out angles and passes and looking like they are going to score. I mean, we’re letting Damien Duff overrun us.

44′ – Lucky save by Harper van Persie with a great run and shot — and as I’m typing that he makes another HUGE save. Come on you REDS!

Damn. Tough first half. Arsenal look out of sorts, they look like they are passing to ghosts right now. Maybe Arsene will get out the half-time hair dryer?

WOW… I just saw why Looney got sent off. He threw the ball at the ref from like 50 yards away, then screamed and threw a tantrum as he walked to the shower. 10 match ban?

52′ – Sorry bout that, had to hold my daughter for a minute. Gallas earns the first yellow of the match. Well, in Cappy.

56′ — yes, Los, Diaby is having a poor game. The whole team’s having a poor game.

59′ – Oh for fuck’s sake… After Bendtner puts in a brilliant header, the defense falls asleep and Obafemi Cunt puts in an easy goal. 1-1 and I’m back to anger.

62′ – Steven Cunt is limping off! PLEASE IF THERE ARE GODS MAKE IT CAREER ENDING!

64′ – YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Diaby follows Bendtner in the “just do one thing right” category and scores a superb goal through some good interplay between he and van Persie.

67′ – YEEEEESSSSSSSSS! van Persie plays another great ball in, this time to Nasri who gets his first goal since January.

69′ – Who wants to put money on Denilson getting a goal?

71′ – Harper has van Persie’s number as he makes another good save off the Arsenal forward.

75′ – Song comes on for Arshavin who’s now been properly introduced to English Football.

83′ – Arsenal have killed this game off and maybe even killed off Newcastle’s hopes of staying above the drop. I used to have respect for this team, that’s lost now that they’ve put out a team of straight thugs.

87′ – Two Goal Eboue is coming on, I wonder what dance he has in store for us today?

92′ – The Newcastle announcer has given man of the match to Steven Taylor. OK, I now officially am hoping this club gets relegated.

Whelp, the right team won and that’s all that matters. Thanks for tuning in today and come back tomorrow for The Good, Bad, and Ugly.

Arsenal face Villareal then Porto in Champions League


What got into you nut bars yesterday? The comments section was full of insanity. This is a sane, sober, and rational weblog and I expect you all will act accordingly. Now, stop stealing each others’ passwords and posting drivel.

Please use your real name to post drivel, like the jealous guy from that one blog.

Right, on to the news. Lesseee… uhh… did you guys hear about the Champions League draw yet? Some guy fondled a bowl full of balls and made a pretty awesome draw, I think.

First, Arsenal have the return leg advantage all the way to the final, meaning that a single away goal in the first leg of both matches makes their job super easy when they return to the Emirates for the second leg.

Second, in the next round they got matched with Villreal, the 4th place team in la Liga, who’s key players are a 62 year old future MLS star named Robert Pires and former Arsenal whipping boy and YouTube star Pascal Cygan.

Third, Porto is going to do the hard work and knock Manchest Untied out of the competition and Arsenal are going to face Porto in the semi-finals which will be a chance for Arsenal to get revenge over the last team to beat Arsenal (Roma doesn’t count).

Fourth, Liverpool drew Chelsea and Barcelona drew Bear Munching and that means that Liverpool and Chelsea will beat each other to death clearing the way for Barcelona to sweep their group and setting up a finale between Arsenal and Barcelona where we will get revenge over Thierry Henry for leaving us!

Awesome draw if you look at it that way, huh?

I don’t care what the bookies are saying (blah blah blah United) or what the Man Unit fans are saying (ZOMG WE WILL BHEAT THE WORLD OFF!!!) I’m going to enjoy my fantasy finale.

Hmmmm… 2-1 over Barcelona, Henry scores an own goal, E’to’o’ gains another apostrophe, and sad Barcelona fans start talking about buying up 3/4 of the Arsenal squad…

What else is going on?

Oh yeah, Arsenal are playing Newcastle tomorrow and I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Joey Barton will not be fit to take the pitch. The bad news is that Steven Taylor is in the team and picking up hints from super-c*nts Kevin Nolan and Nicky Butt — who are also available.

What the hell kind of team is Newcastle putting together? Kevin Nolan, Joey Barton, Nikki Butts, AND Steven Taylor? On the same fucking team? Isn’t there a law against that? Who passes the ball? I mean, does anyone in that midfield pass or do they just tackle each other to move the ball around?

I’m kinda happy that Cesc isn’t fit, I’d much rather Denilson soak up the tackles than Fabregas. Speaking of, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to see the 4-5-1 (or 4-2-3-1, whatever) with both Denilson and Song in along with Diaby in the midfield, those three have been showing a lot of steel lately and facing this pack of c*nthounds we’re going to need all the steel we can get.

After the Blackburn match, Arshavin made a remark about how they were the hardest tackling team he’d ever played against. He’s in for a surprise tomorrow because if he thought Blackburn are hard tackling, then Kevin Nolan, Steven Taylor, and Nikkiz Buttz are going to be like a gang of goats raping his family.

Or something.

Anyway, for our part, young Theo picked up an injury. This injury happened, not during training, but AFTER training, while WALKING. The dot com is saying that his knee locked up after the training session when he was walking back to the showers. Amazing. Damnit Wenger, why can’t you keep the boys healthy? Stop killing them by letting them walk back from training! They clearly need one of those motorized things that fat people in America go grocery shopping with.

Right, tomorrow’s match is live on Fox Soccer Channel at 10:30 am PST which means I’ll be liveblogging, so stop by if you want to hear me rant and rave about fat Americans and Kevin Nolan in real time.

Oh hey, one last bit of good news: Eduardo is being included in the squad! I see a late sub, Arsenal down 1-0, Eduardo comes on and scores a brace.

See you tomorrow!

P.S. Antipodean Gooner has a piece about how Arsenal’s fiscal world is falling apart and you should all check it out. The jist is that Arsenal Trust issued a report on the Arsenal financial report and it’s a refreshingly honest look at where all our money is going.   I thought I’d just let you all know.