Where did it all go wrong?

Good morning! Looks like everyone is already looking forward to next season around Arsenal. Well, not everyone… Wenger has stated that he felt like Arsenal were just one game away from winning the title. Which game? Away to Man-chest Untied at Old Trafford.

Huh.

That’s not how I saw it, hell, that’s not even how you saw it, old man, what the hell are you talking about?

Back in February, I blogged about a comment that Wenger made; he thought the league winner would have to get 90 points. At the time, Arsenal had 60 points and there were 13 matches left and I said:

And yet here they sit, 60 points from 25 matches for an average of 2.4 points per match. They are currently top of the table and Wenger reckons it will take 90 points to win the league. Now, if they stay in their current form (2.4 ppm with 13 matches remaining) they will end the season with 91 points. Exactly where Wenger predicts that they should be to win the title and cast off their underdog label.

So, in 13 matches they either have to get 10 wins and 1 draw or 9 wins and 4 draws. And here’s the schedule for the rest of the season… make up your own mind as to whether it’s possible.

  • Rovers
  • @ Birmingham City
  • Villa
  • @ Wigan
  • Middlesbrough
  • @ Chelsea
  • @ Notlob
  • Liverpool
  • @ Man cUnts
  • Reading
  • @ Derby
  • Everton
  • @ Sunderland

I’m not going to jinx them by predicting positive outcomes in any of these matches. I’ll just leave it up to you to find 30+ points from that schedule.

So far, they have not even come close to the 2.4 ppm that they had averaged up until that point and even IF they win out (no easy task mind you) they will max out at 83 points. Which is 7 shy of Wenger’s prediction and 8 shy of mine.

So where did it go wrong? Here’s what I thought Arsenal would do to get 90+ points.

  • Rovers — 3
  • @ Birmingham City — 3
  • Villa –3
  • @ Wigan — 3
  • Middlesbrough — 3
  • @ Chelsea — 0
  • @ Notlob –1
  • Liverpool — 3
  • @ Man cUnts — 0
  • Reading — 3
  • @ Derby — 3
  • Everton — 3
  • @ Sunderland — 3

You could argue that one or two of those results could have shifted around. Maybe a draw at Wigan instead of three points, but what can’t happen is for 4 of the first 5 games on that list to all end up draws. Which is exactly what happened: Arsenal got 4 points from a possible 12 which left them in the position of having to win out. And no offense to the fans at Wigan, Birmingham, Villa, and Boro… but your team is easier to beat than Man U.

The season didn’t rest on the match at Old Trafford, it had already died at the JJB.

The pitch that day at the JJB was a disgrace too. Remember that? They had played a rugby match just a few days earlier, it was the middle of the harshest part of the season for grass, and what grass was left was covered in mud. The pitch was so bad that when Bendtner had an open look at goal, the ball bobbled up at his feet and his strike found air instead of ball.

And now Man U have to travel there and play in similar conditions, right? [record scratching] Not so fast there Bub, turns out Wigan’s owners have asked the Rugby team that plays there to please do Man U a favor and postpone their Rugby match. Why don’t you just ask the referee to give Ronaldo a few spot kicks while you’re at it?

It’s not all doom and gloom around here though, Teddy Sheringham is retiring. About 10 years too late “Teddy.”

And finally, Wenger has revealed that Adebayor is having his baby. Just look at the picture in the linked article. Irrefutable proof.  No, seriously, Wenger says that Ade hit double the number of goals that he thought he would.  Which is cool.  But even cooler?  There’s a list of players and goals scored for Arsenal since the inception of the Premier League.

Arsenal’s top scorers in the Premier League
Season Player Goals In League
1992/93 Ian Wright 30 15
1993/94 Ian Wright 35 23
1994/95 Ian Wright 30 18
1995/96 Ian Wright 23 15
1996/97 Ian Wright 30 23
1997/98 Dennis Bergkamp 22 16
1998/99 Nicolas Anelka 19 17
1999/00 Thierry Henry 26 17
2000/01 Thierry Henry 22 17
2001/02 Thierry Henry 32 24
2002/03 Thierry Henry 32 24
2003/04 Thierry Henry 39 30
2004/05 Thierry Henry 30 25
2005/06 Thierry Henry 33 27
2006/07 Robin van Persie 13 11
2007/08 Emmanuel Adebayor 30 24

Look at which players Ade is up there with. Ian Wright? Thierry Henry?  Holy crap.  No one has scored 24 league goals for Arsenal since Thierry Henry in 05/06.  I’m not saying Adebayor is the new Henry, NO ONE will ever replace Henry.  But if Ade can score 30 goals a season for a few seasons, he might just make a name for himself.  Plus!  You really do have to give him credit for this outstanding season.  And with that I no longer feel an overwhelming need to defend him, because if you’re still on the Hater-Ade (pun in 10 did) then you’re a chump and your football opinion is useless.

That’s it for today, see you tomorrow.

The good, the bad, the ugly (Derby 2-6 Arsenal)

The good: Enough can’t be written about how good Adebayor has been this season. Yesterday he came on at half time (subbing for an injured van Persie) and immediately made a huge impact. It took a whopping 15 minutes before he got his first goal, then another 15 for the second and you just knew he would eventually get the hat trick he deserved. Incidentally, the last person to score a hat trick as a substitute in the EPL was Robert Earnshaw (more on him in a moment). So, a hat trick (his second this season), 30 goals (24 in the Premier League, which moves him into second place), and a strong performance all over the pitch from the big man. Good stuff but no less than we have all come to expect from the big fella.

Fabregas also had an all around great game, notched an assist, and generally showed that Robbie Savage is no longer premiership quality. Cesc was partnered in the center with Denilson who I though looked a solid player. He won the ball quite well, distributed fairly well, and honestly looked as good to me as Diarra ever did. I remain convinced that he’ll fill Flamini’s spot fairly well next year.

Theo looked farking fantastic. Technically, he didn’t get an assist yesterday but I counted no less than two times where he was instrumental in Arsenal scoring a goal. Plus he scored a fantastic goal himself: curling the ball into the side netting between two Derby defenders. Heady stuff from the young man. Interestingly, Wenger started Theo on the left — will we see more of this?

The bad: I’m not trying to get down on the boys here it’s just that the two goals they let in were such stinkers that they have to be mentioned. Gallas in particular looked like he had the worst game of his season and earned the lowest rating of any of his teammates. That Earnshaw goal was particularly egregious: the striker set up between the two defenders and came back perfectly from an offside position. That’s just lazy, disorganized defending of what amounts to a grade school attack. A strong, organized defense must be first on Wenger’s shopping list for next season, especially when you consider that Arsenal allowed Derby to score two goals: which was Derby’s first time scoring more than one goal all season and those two goals also represented over 10% of all Derby’s goals this season. Not inspiring stuff from the defense. PLEASE NOTE: I am not suggesting that personnel need to be changed in order to strengthen the squad. Gallas and company have what it takes to do the job, they are all great footballers. They just need a little better organization at the back; maybe Tony Adams? I hear that he’s available.

Up front, I am going to single someone out; I thought Bendtner was shockingly lazy and his poor clearance was what let in the first Derby goal. This is your chance to shine young fella… Don’t stand stock still in the 18 yard box and just expect people to pass you the ball! Geeze.

One final “bad:” van Persie was injured… again. What a shame too. When van Persie is on his game and able to stay healthy for a few weeks he can be a tremendous asset to this team. But he seems more injured than healthy and his injuries seem to be getting more frequent.

The ugly: Robert Earnshaw’s fugly dance: I think it was supposed to be the dance from “Jungle Love” by Morris Day and the Time (WARNING: CONTENT ADVISORY — WHITE GUY DANCES “LIKE” MORRIS DAY). Whatever it was I never want to see it again.

But if you want to see it again here it is! (Thanks to Arsenalist for putting these up on his web site. If you ever need post match highlights, he’s your man.)

Equally ugly was Adebayor’s reply dance(s). The first one looked like he was mocking Earnshaw which is fair enough because Earnshaw’s dance was that disgusting. But whatever Ade’s first dance was, it was at least synchronized… that second dance was just stupid. Stop doing that.

No… seriously… stop.

It was funny when you did it with Henry. It’s now just you and Eboue and kinda makes Arsenal look pompous. Go win a trophy and then do some line dancing. Synchronized dancing when you score a goal against Derby is just embarrassing. You’re SUPPOSED to score goals against Derby. They happen to have the most accommodating defense in the league, so scoring a goal against Derby isn’t cause for celebration, it’s your job. I don’t dance every time I fix a computer. Hmmmm… maybe I should start.

The dance routines did teach me something. I learned the role that Eboue plays on the team: first man to celebrate a goal with! He never does anything on the pitch, but he’s always the first player that gets a hug, or lines up for some kid of dance maneuver. Emmanuel Eboue: team dance partner.

All in all, it’s a good win, and brings Arsenal 3 points closer to the Premiership trophy.  Now, if only both Chelsea and Man U could lose all of their matches…

That’s it, see you tomorrow!

Like rams to the slaughter?

It may seem like a life time ago, but there was a day back in September that Arsenal beat Derby 5-0. Diaby opened the scoring on 10 minutes and from there on in the result was inevitable. Well, three points was inevitable, who would have pegged Ade to score a hat trick? Pretty much no one since, at that point Ade was still considered “horrible” by most Arsenal fans.

Back in September… the season was wide open, Arsenal were on a winning streak, and hopes of glory were still in front of us. 7 months later and now we’ve come full circle: hopes for this season have been dashed (though mathematically Arsenal COULD still win the league title since there are 9 points up for grabs and Arsenal are only 7 points off the leaders), and hopes for next season are in front of us; Arsene is promising to blood some young players, and the old players have all been granted awards.

It should be a fun match to watch. I suspect Arsenal will play the way they always play; open, attacking football (Wenger’s teams never change style regardless of the personnel). And rumor has it they will showcase some young talent, which I always enjoy watching because those young players will be trying to convince Le Boss to give them a few starts next season. On the other end of the pitch, I expect Derby will put in a good performance, hoping to give their long suffering (but no less faithful) supporters something to talk about next season. So, a lively match is on tap. Kickoff is noon local (Pacific Standard) time and the match is a Setanta exclusive here in the states. Which to my loyal readers means that the game is being shown at my favorite Tacoma Football pub — Doyles.

In really great and cool and fun news Cesc has earned himself the PFA “Young Player of the Year Award.” Kudos to the young man, who doesn’t turn 21 until May 4th. Really? He’s only 20?

Along with Fabregas, the PFA named Adebayor, Clichy, and Sagna to their Premier League Team of the Year. So, wait, does that mean I got 4 out of 5 right? I guess it does. And why is it that a man who is described by some “supporters” as having the “touch of a rapist” pegged for Team of the Year along side the likes of Fernando Torres? I can’t quite figure it out myself. In that article, even Ronaldo (who won Player of the Year) revealed that he voted Adebayor for Player of the Year. That must be one of those “lost in translation” things because Adebayor couldn’t be, you know, actually a good player… could he?

There’s some rumor floating around about the Flim-Flam-man signing with Milan because they want him to replace Gattuso. Yep. I’ll believe it when I see it revealed on The Dot Com.

(WARNING — STRONG LANGUAGE ADVISORY)

And finally, my favorite pack of utter douchebags (Bolton) has revealed that they enjoy being douchebags. In fact, they say that their only regret is that they felt they could have been bigger pricks and are right now desperately seeking a way to play an entire season without scoring or conceding a goal, pick up 11 yellow cards a match, not have anyone sent off, and permanently injure one opponent per match.  Lofty goals.  It must be gripping stuff for their supporters to watch a bunch of no talent clod hoppers hoof the ball forward to despicable cheats like El-Haji-Diouf and utter cunts like Kevin Davies. GRIPPING.

Sorry for all the language there, I’m suffering from a form of Tourette’s syndrome; whenever I think of Bolton I have to curse. Also, read the linked article at your own risk, spontaneous projectile vomiting is a known side effect of statements like “We (Bolton) were a top eight side and no one can ever take that away from us.”

If there’s a god, that team will be relegated… along with Birmingham.

God?