Tag Archives: Falcao

What we have here is a fine example of Ivory Coast center forward, and he ain't too damn "Bony"

Giroud (unconfirmed) ankle break: which forwards could Arsenal buy to replace him?


Pros: Christian Benteke took the footballing world by storm two years ago when he scored several goals for Aston Villa. How many goals? 19! He followed that season up with a lacklustre 10 goals haul. But if you’ve ever watched Benteke play you know that scoring goals isn’t really what he does best: it’s winning headers.

Won 229/403 aerial duels last season, 8.8 per game. Attempted 15.5 aerial duels per game, that’s like an aerial duel every 5 minutes. Slightly better at winning aerials than Giroud (56% v. 52%). Imagine a battering ram, on a pogo stick, that’s Christian Benteke.

Cons: People say he can dribble but in two years at Aston Villa he has only completed 40 total dribbles. Giroud has 36, so that makes Benteke four times more dribbly! Another con is that he’s injured. He may be back next month.


Pros: I have a soft spot for Bony. Wait. No. I have a hard… ummm… I like Bo.. Bony is good. Bony also wins headers even if he is only 5’3″ — he’s like the Spud Webb of winning headers. Remember Spud Webb? Spud Webb can still dunk at age 47. I can barely dunk a donut.

Bony wins a lower percentage of aerial duels than Benteke (42%) but scored the same number of headed goals, 5, last season. He’s also a better dribbler than Benteke, completing 24 in his first season at Swansea.

Has a £20m release clause. Which makes buying him a snap.

Has to play in the ACN and the qualifiers, which means that he will be out for most of January. Why is this a pro? Because that’s when Giroud will come back.

Also, his manager calls him a hard worker: “We saw a very good Wilfried last season but with the work ethic he has and what we’re trying to do I think he can be even better this year. If he listens to what we’re telling him – and he does, because he’s a great guy and a great person to work with – you’ll see a better Bony.”

Cons: turns the ball over a lot, not great at picking out teammates with his passes. Actually, a lot like Giroud.


Pros: Scored 7 headed goals. But apart from his aerial ability, whenever I’ve seen him play, I’ve actually been impressed with his touch. He has good touch for a big man. Which is exactly what I say any time I see Andy Carroll play.

Speaking of Andy Carroll, I have this weird way of remembering names where I make their name into a spoonerism. So Gary Cahill is Cary Gahill, Andy Carroll is Candy Arroll, Jack Wilshere is Wack Jilshere. The problem is that this only works for English guys. Try it with Stefan Kiessling… see?

What else is good about him? Let’s see… won 12 aerial duels in his first game this season, had 5 dribbles, committed 7 fouls… and he has done this kind of thing for years at Bayer Leverkusen.

Cons: Can someone explain to me why this guy, who has averaged 19 goals a season for the four yeas he was healthy at Bayer, who wins a ton of headers, who can dribble, who can pass, who creates for teammates… can someone tell me why he’s not been picked up by a club like Liverpool? Or anyone? There must be something wrong with him. I’ve heard its his attitude but that always ticks people off when I say it. Was left out of the German World Cup winning team.

Another con is that he’s as tall as Peter Crouch but has never shown any ability to do the robot.


Pros: he was good at scoring goals two years ago. Had the number one hit in 1985 with Rock me Amadeus.

Cons: Literally not good at anything except scoring goals. I suppose that’s not a bad thing to be good at if you’re a striker. But if you’re looking for a player who can hold the ball up and bring teammates into the game, who can take on an opponent, and who can pass, Falcao is not that guy.

Monaco are flogging him harder than Dominic Loricatus after a long day’s penance and yet I’ve heard that taking him on loan would cost Arsenal £20m. That’s What Bony would cost. No way Arsene does this deal.


Pros: Weapons master, procurement specialist, tis a laird of the Scottish highlands, rubs elbows with sheikhs and oligarchs, silver head reflects light into the eyes of opponents. Probably incredibly good at winning headers but I have never seen him play football.

Cons: Not sure Cobra will let him go for cheap. Has a taste for the finer things. Tends to run away when the fight gets tough. Totally in love with the Baroness.

There is no way that Arsenal are signing the guy from Roma so I’m assuming we are going after Destro from G.I. Joe.


Pros: like a new signing! Free! Runs around a lot. Good at being annoying to the opposition. Already plays for Arsenal. Did I mention that he’s free? Huge upside.

Cons: hasn’t scored a goal for Arsenal, because the quad trick he scored in the Emirates Cup doesn’t count.


EX-CLUSIVE: first look at Arsenal’s new WHITE Puma away strip

The Mirror broke with the headline that Arsenal have agreed to a £170m deal with PUMA to supply shirts for the Arsenal starting in, uhhm, they are actually unclear on that fact saying… “The deal, which will not be announced officially for some time…”

But I had a friend on twitter @BayAreaGrimbo who tweeted this picture to another friend of mine and I can confirm that she replied “LOL”.


Seeing the photo, I immediately “swooped” as I believe this to be an exclusive, sneak preview of the new Arsenal away kit starting in, uhh, let’s see, Arsenal’s deal with Nike lasts another year at least, so, let’s go with 2015.

What, exactly, Arsenal will do with all the money from this deal is now up for speculation. Will they buy Cavani? Jovetic? Bony? Falcao? Aubameyang? Lukaku? David Villa? Cesc Fabregas?

Am I just stuffing famous strikers names into this blog post in order to generate more hits because if the deal is real then it won’t put money into Arsene Wenger’s “war chest” until the year after his contract runs out by which time all those players will already belong to Chelsea/ManU/ManCity?

Yes, but it’s for a good cause. Nothing generates hits like a “New Kit” post. And a “new kit” post, plus a “transfer war chest” post, is like that one time when Superman fought Batman in the future.

What I’m trying to say is that I hate comics.



Man U teach Arsenal a lesson: sell sponsorship to London Colney

I know that I’ve said this before but I just can’t find where. But regardless my inability to find my original quote, the sentiment remains the same: Arsenal should sell sponsorship to London Colney to the highest corporate bidder.

I hit upon the idea a few years back. It was an international break and the English national team were practicing at London Colney. I think it was just about the same time that Man U announced that they were getting money from DHL to sponsor the United training kits. Immediately I felt like something was missing and sure enough, noticed that there were no corporate sponsors for Arsenal’s training ground. I can’t remember if I just put the observation in a comment on a blog post or tweeted it but I know for a fact that I sent the club an email suggesting that they get on that before Man U beat them to the punch.

And today, of course, Man U has beat them to the punch, announcing a £120m deal that will hand the naming rights to their training center (plus other special privileges such as private parties and whatnot) to American company Aon. Just in case you’ve forgotten the whole story behind this: Aon is Man United’s current shirt sponsor but Man U sold the shirt sponsorship rights to their training kit to DHL. Man U duped someone at Chevrolet into putting an obscene amount of money into their main shirt sponsorship. Then Man U bought out the last two years of the DHL deal and now they have gone back to Aon and asked them to pony up more money to keep their name at the training center. Incredibly, they said yes.

In a sense this illustrates the power of the Man U brand. Sorry if that offends but it’s true. Man U is now able to dictate terms to sponsors and is pulling in massive amounts from corporate sponsorship with a creative mix of slicing and dicing. They package certain rights to certain parts of the world (China gets one set of sponsors, Europe and America another) and they compartmentalize the United brand and sell different options (training ground, main shirt, etc.). This isn’t some genius strategy on their part, any kid with a single class in economics will tell you, this is just simple market segmentation.

Arsenal, meanwhile, have announced their own “£30m a year” deal with Emirates which I have jokingly said means that Arsenal could buy “Four Falcaos”. All joking aside, it’s not the greatest deal in the world, but not the worst either. The problematic aspects are the long-term naming rights to the stadium (until the year 3030 I think) and the fact that the deal is front-loaded (again, like it was in the first place) meaning that while we will have cash to invest in the squad next year, over the next 10 years that deal will look poorer and poorer as value for pound in the transfer market is squeezed out by the inflationary pressures on player salaries and transfers caused by the unchecked spending of the Sheikhigarchy.

Arsenal are also rumored to be in the market for a new shirt manufacturer, or at least a renegotiated deal on the old one. That should bring in further revenue and along with some concessions in the old contract and Arsenal’s very own segmented marketing strategy will push Arsenal’s commercial revenue stream up. How high? We don’t know yet.

Still, I think Arsenal are missing the beat here with London Colney: the national team still practice there, it’s centrally located in London (who wants to have a corporate function in Manchester?), and it’s a major brand (Arsenal!) ripe for a partnership. Surely Coke or Pepsi want to sponsor London Colney and rename it the “Mountain Dew center for kids who want to play football real good” or something? It could be that the Emirates rights are preventing this or there could be some other reason why they haven’t sold the rights to Colney, we won’t know unless they tell us.

But I would love to see the rights be auctioned off to the highest bidder and for us to take that money and buy Gonzalo Higuain. And Falcao. And Edinson Cavani. BUY ALL THE PLAYERS.