I have this great idea for a new movie. Ok, the main character Is named Betty, Betty Korger, and she discovers that she’s able to get into other people’s dreams. She does this every night, wearing a mask of a burn victim and a fedora so as not to be discovered for who she really is. She plays around in various people’s dreams learning that she can actually cause them physical harm.
One night while cruising around in the old neighbor’s dreams, she discovers a red and green sweater, and a metal hand with finger-knives. Of course both of these things fit her perfectly. She then starts getting into the dreams of her classmates and one of them uncovers her secret. He’s a typical emo millennial kid who likes to dress up like Darth Vader for various cosplay events. And he threatens to call the police on her.
Anyway, she does battle with him and terrifies him every night but the police don’t believe that she’s doing anything to him because they keep her on watch. At one point the kid gets Johnny Depp to do a cameo appearance and Heather Langenkamp as well but Betty Korger kills both of them. Eventually she deeply wounds the emo kid (played by Adam Driver? why not) and learns that there was a guy who came before her named Freddy Kruger. So the movie ends with her flying in a dream space ship to this monastery rocky outcropping by the sea where Kruger lives and all you get is this final shot of Kruger’s face looking concerned. Also, there’s Princess Leia and Chewbacca in there somewhere.
And a lightsaber with flames coming out the side.
Basically, I just want to retell the entire Nightmare on Elm Street story, with a slight twist (female lead), using more modern CGI and effects (at least one lens flare, right at the beginning, a *wink* to all the people who hated my use of lens flare in my previous films), and having a bunch of cameos with the original actors. I’m hoping that Disney buys my scripts!
I wonder if I can get Greg Proops to do the voiceover for my big podracing scene? “Now THIS is podracing!”
Anyway, did you notice that Theo Walcott’s been with Arsenal for 10 years? It’s in all the papers.
Signed from Southampton for just £9m, Walcott stoked excitement among the Arsenal fans. The way he opened his body to score to his right from the left side reminded many of Thierry Henry. He was also supposed to be Arsenal’s fastest ever player.
He scored his first ever Arsenal goal in the League Cup final against… Chelsea. Arsenal lost that game after bald referee, and World Cup disaster, Howard Webb failed to control tempers and the match devolved into a scrum. Despite the loss, Walcott has enjoyed playing against Chelsea over the years and scored 5 times against Chelsea in 15 appearances. He’s also scored 5 times against Tottenham in 17 appearances. The team he’s scored the most against is Newcastle with 6 goals in 15 appearances.
Despite an injury wracked career (he’s had operations on both shoulders and his knees) Walcott went on to score 81 goals for Arsenal and get 66 assists. He’s also won 3 penalties scored for Arsenal (which transfermarkt counts as assists). If you told me in 1999 that Arsenal would pay £9m for a player who would average 8 goals and 7 assists per year for 10 years I would have told you “impossible! No one will stay at a single club for 10 years any more, much less have that kind of consistency.”
It’s a bit strange too, because just this morning I was singing the Perry Groves song, except instead of everyone being Perry Groves I was naming my favorite starting XI and when I got to the right wing I had to stop and ask: who is my favored starting right wing player?
A lot of folks want to drop Walcott as soon as Alexis returns and keep Campbell on the right, but Walcott isn’t injured and already has 5 goals and 5 assists for Arsenal this season, including an assist for Ox’s Charity Shield winning goal against Mourinho’s Chelsea. Campbell has 3 goals and 3 assists but has played fewer minutes.
Walcott is currently producing a goal or assist every 150 minutes and Campbell one every 197 minutes. Campbell does tackle more (2.6 times per game v. Walcott’s 1 — and yes, I only compared when they both play wide) but Walcott is the better dribbler, completing 2.5 per90 compared to Joel’s 0.6 per90 (again both isolated for wing play and not as a center forward).
Honestly I don’t see Walcott getting “dropped” for Campbell. He might play some games on the right and he might play some games up top, where he scares center backs with his foot speed. Campbell also might start some games on the right when Arsenal need a more defensive presence. It will all depend on the way Wenger wants to approach a game.
I think with Walcott it was the expectations which were the problem over his career. He was supposed to be the next Thierry Henry and he hasn’t become that and probably won’t score more than 15 goals for Arsenal in a single season for the rest of his career.
From his first World Cup call up, which probably shouldn’t have happened, to his being dropped for the World Cup which also probably shouldn’t have happened Walcott has always been “unlucky Theo”. But blessed with bags of speed and a solid work ethic, Walcott has proved to be one of Arsenal’s most versatile front men. Serving up assists for van Persie and Giroud from the wide right, and most recently playing through the middle and on the left for Arsenal.
Walcott remains a divisive figure for some because he never reached their expectations. But after looking at his career, which has already spanned 10 years for the Gunners, I’ve had to come to terms with what Walcott is and isn’t. I doubt he’ll ever be a 20 goal a season striker for Arsenal, but if he can give us a consistent 10 goals and 10 assists over the next few years, or even just his career average of 8 and 7, it would have to go down as one of Arsene’s best signings wouldn’t it? 100 goals and 80 assists over 12 years? 180 goals? That’s nothing to sneeze at.
Not THE best signing, but a great squad player who gave everything for the team and stayed loyal to the club for over 10 years. Who does that anymore these days?